The Cockroach

My friend, David, emailed me yesterday about a story I had almost forgotten about because I am lazy and unmotivated. He and I were/will be writing a lovely children's book about cockroaches.

I, myself, am absolutely terrified of roaches. I love spiders and snakes and asps and pretty much any other living thing that can cause me physical harm, but the roach is the scariest, most disgusting thing ever. When I lived with Jeanie, she was afraid of spiders so I would catch the spiders in a cup and set them free to roam around our backyard and eventually wind up in the bathtub again. This one time I saw a Snickers bar on the microwave and I got all excited and and before I could express my desire to rip it open and share it with her, she started screaming at the top of her lungs, ran into her bedroom, and slammed the door. She thought I'd seen a spider. She was ontop of her bed still screaming when I asked her if we could split that candy bar. When there was a roach in the house she would kill it quickly with a shoe or give it to the cat to kill very slowly...roach parts around the house is a lot better than a big live one.

The sad thing is, I moved away from her. I have no more roach killer. I had to kill a big fat one the other night. I was all alone and it was on it's back and was wiggling all over the place and i had to find a shoe and i hit it and it didn't die and so i hit it again and then it stuck to the floor with it's guts but it was still moving and so i picked it up with a wad of toilet paper and flushed it in the toilet now i am kicking myself because i know it is going to tickle my rear one day because i did not make sure it was already dead. look at me! i am totally flustered. That roach made me forget to use punctuation and capital letters! The bastard...