Thursday, May 12, 2005

I Just THOUGHT I Attracted Weirdos

After talking to my friend, and soon-to-be maid of honor, Jeanie, I realized that I might have to throw the title of Weirdo Asshat Magnet Queen to her, to bestow upon her the tiarra that beckons foul men and encourages them to show penis or unload their weirdo feelings or, heaven forbid, both. Jeanie told me of an incident that happened when she was 19. This was a long time ago - no offense to Jeanie (who's 28 now). However, weirdness cancels out the time for she is still dealing with the trauma that incurred on that summer night. Apparently she and 3 other co-workers decided to go camping, one of which was a 17 year old boy (David) who was in love with Jeanie who did not reciprocate these feelings. There were two cots in the tent that could sleep two people and since Jeanie was in no mood to get molested that night, she slept head to foot with David - her head being at his feet and vice versa. She woke up to the most disturbing thing. This boy, David, had taken her knees, pressed them together tightly, and without shame! started having relations with her upper calves. Yes, he did. Did he not think she was going to wake up or was this some sick first move? To all you guys out there who are thinking about doing this to a girl you know, or even your own girlfriend, I would strongly advise against it. She wound up sleeping in the car for the rest of the trip, her violated knees locked securely inside the vehicle, away from all men that just could not resist them. One thing I will say on his behalf was that he was wearing a condom so at least we was concerned about the safety of her knees and prevented her knees from catching warts or getting impregnated.


Blogger Chris Cope said...

Mmm. Hot knee action.

7:41 AM  
Blogger Peppis said...

laughing my ass off. My friends would kill me if I spilled the guts about the craaaazy things they've told me.I should start planning a system of fake-nicknames for them all: Peppis aka ...Pippi Longstocking? etc :-)

9:35 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

Is this going to be part of her speech at your wedding?

11:33 PM  

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