Thursday, March 16, 2006

Living Alone

I'm better some days than others. Last night I drug a huge couch cushion to bed with me so it wouldn't feel so incredibly empty. This morning I had to kill a bug. It decided to take a shower with me. I don't like killing bugs. Especially when I am naked. That's no fun. I could call someone for company, I suppose. Or to kill bugs for me. But I know I need to learn to do it all by myself. I hate admitting that I am not strong all the time. I come from a long line of strong women and sometimes I feel too weak to belong in the family. I was late to work this morning. Had to stop for gas. Neglected to put my gas cap back on. Had to stop on the side of a busy highway to do it. Stupidly listened to Damien Rice on the way to work and realized I may just as well have put on Morrissey and driven my car into a ravine. But there are no ravines around here and I don't think I'd like drowning much. I love life, but it sure can blow sometimes.


Blogger kari said...

yeah, there is that masochistic side of me that, when somewhat depressed, will listen to music like damien rice. at that point i just put on NIN b/c it's much more cathartic and makes me feel less like putting my head into an oven.

6:54 AM  
Blogger ekki said...

Crystal, I want to come visit you sometime in April. Is that OK? Like maybe the weekend of the 15th or the next one?

7:32 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

ekki - sounds wonderful. i could use it.

7:38 AM  
Blogger markis said...

yah, you two could take showers together. i mean that way slp you wouldn't be alone if the creepy crawy's came. eh huh huh [rubbing hands together].

7:46 AM  
Blogger ekki said...

Crystal, I will call you. :) Do you realize I haven't seen you in almost 2 years?

7:47 AM  
Blogger jay are said...

well, I'm glad there weren't any ravines handy when you were feeling low....and a strong woman knows how to realize that she's feeling lonely and live through that, ravines or no. It's hard to dip down into the lows when you've been enjoying the highs of being alone and single. You'll be back up there again....
Hope it was a really soft and comfy cushion. :)

8:00 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

always leave it to the guys to think of ways to get two women naked together. silly markis.

ekki - 2 years? really? holy cow. you should come down this weekend. see if justin and markis want to come and we'll have a big slumber party.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay are - i kept kicking the cushion off the bed. guess my subconscience was tryingt o say something...

8:03 AM  
Anonymous denise said...

It'll be ok. There Will come a time when you look back on all this and realize that these are the things that make us strong :-)

8:04 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

denise - i just want to be strong already! i dont' want to have to go through all the b.s. that makes me that way.

8:15 AM  
Blogger ekki said...

Crystal, my mom is coming to town today. I can't come this weekend silly.

PS Justin lives in Chicago now, so that would be quite some commute.

8:21 AM  
Blogger markis said...

take your mom. ahhhhhhhhhh {scream}, whoop whoop whoop {background sound of screeching alarms},
f a n t a s y o v e r l o a d!

i know, i'm just sick.

8:34 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

haha that's gross, markis.

8:47 AM  
Blogger Kylee said...

No rvaines is very good.

It gets easier and even being strong allows for weak moments. Thats just being human.

9:10 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

"I may just as well have put on Morrissey and driven my car into a ravine."

I've tried this before and it only feels satisfying right before you hit the ditch. I'm trying my damndest to kill your bugs via my incredible psi powers. I can also help you quit smoking that way. Let me know if it works. (Adopting a Rob Schneider voice) You can do it Crystal!

9:21 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I, too, am firing mind bullets at the bugs in your home. If you find your place to be littered with holes, it's because I have terrible aim from this distance.

12:19 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

thanks the grunt and chris. i appreciate it. i only have a dislike for brown bugs though, so if you see any lady bugs or spiders, please do not shoot them. those are my friends. they are not very good cuddlers though. i accidentally smashed one the last time i decided that we'd reached that level. wasn't pretty.

12:23 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's Ramon

Crystal...just think of the things your not having to put up with...and I sure fire way to not like someone is to room with them. It can be quite a pain. Perhaps you should get some kinda pet.

Dudes just ain't worth the hassle most of the time...and this coming from a dude.

And about killing bugs when naked..It's the same to the bug whether your clothed or not...I have doubts that the bug looked up and though "damn nice rack" and was then stomped into oblivion.

Hope to see ya Saturday..hope you got my directions.

2:58 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

It sounds like we need to do a "happiness" intervention.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous sexylovepit's mom said...

Do you know what's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits the windshield???
it's ass!

Keep a can of hairspray nearby--it immobilizes most bugs so you can catch/kill them easily.

If you feel like doing the ravine thing, pick a word and shout it at the top of your lungs. "Fuck" works for me--really, any word with hard consonants will do. Shout it loud. Repeatedly. Inside your car, nobody will hear you.

Love, Mom

5:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Crystal's Mom is cool.

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's's a song for you Crystal about just not caring. It's gotten me through shitty times.....

i will light the match this mornin', so i won't be alone
watch as she lies silent, for soon light will be gone
i will stand arms outstretched, pretend i'm free to roam
i will make my way, through, one more day in hell...
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...
i will hold the candle till it burns up my arm
i'll keep takin' punches until their will grows tired
i will stare the sun down until my eyes go blind
hey i won't change direction, and i won't change my mind
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make..
how much difference...
i'll swallow poison, until i grow immune
i will scream my lungs out till it fills this room
how much difference
how much difference
how much difference does it make
how much difference does it make...


11:08 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

When I'm feeling down, I find that moving away to some remote, desolate, frigid location works best. It just so happens that there are no bugs here either.
The next time you find yourself confronted with a bug whilst naked, the best thing to do is take a picture of yourself and email it to me. More instructions will follow at that point.

4:35 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

thanks, mom. you are the coolest.

neal, great idea! i'll get right on it.

and ramon, of course the bug was thinking about my rack. i mean, really, who doesn't? :P

9:09 AM  
Blogger markis said...

sounds to me like your mom should link up with ruth's, sorry that's ruthie's, mom. birds of a flock!

10:32 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

my mom rocks. sometimes my dad doesn't know how to deal with her saying the f-word. my just blames it on my imaginary best friend from when i was little.
however, my dad makes the bed but won't admit it and he blames that on friendy. so it all works out.

11:03 AM  
Blogger markis said...

does sexylovepits mom have a blog?

11:32 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

nope. she needs one though. she guest-blogs on thomas' every now and then.

12:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's Ramon...well fine then, maybe the critter was thinking of your rack. And Mom's that drop F-Bombs are pretty cool.

1:48 PM  

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