Monday, June 19, 2006

So it finally happened...

I went to Hambone's birthday party and made out with Shoe Boy who I've referenced in this post and this post and this post. Before everyone starts getting their panties in a wad, let me just say that the friend who thinks she is destined to be with Shoe Boy doesn't think that anymore. In fact, she now thinks she is destined to be with Hambone. It depends on the week, really. I don't know why he kissed me. I was pretty much, um, to put it nicely, WASTED and had been drinking beer and smoking cigarettes and shoving fistfulls of goldfish crackers in my mouth. Plus we were outside and I was sweaty and gross. Why would you voluntarily put your mouth on something so vile? We sat on the tailgate of his truck in my hometown and mugged for about 30 minutes. No clothes were disheveled or removed. It was exactly like high school.

In fact, the last time I made out with him, I was in high school. However, I have been keeping my distance because he is such a good friend and I know I would hurt him. I am not a nice person right now and I will admit it. I am fickle. He is nice and sweet and he WEARS his jeans and he WEARS his shoes which is rare to find a guy who knows how to wear both. He is an artist and works at a law firm. He's clean - almost too clean. He's funny and sweet and Steph and I like to call him our husband.

Now things are going to be weird.

I have done my best to let him know where I stand with men. He knows I don't want anything, but when we all go out now, is it a date? Am I obligated to fool around? Can I still talk about other guys I am dating? If I find a guy cool enough, can I introduce them?

What kind of can o' worms did I just open? Are they the kind that crawl away and leave you alone or are they the teeth-having-flesh-eating-blood-sucking kind?


Blogger Scott said...

Dude, I have been there myself. In my situation it did not end well, but I think it was because I was immature. I think that you just need to be up front about what happened and continue to make it clear what your current state of mind is.



1:18 PM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

I am not sure what planet you are on where you think ALL men want a commitment because you kissed for 30 minutes but I am here to put your mind at ease. He is probably not picking out china patterns just yet.

I made out with my chick's mother and her sister at the same time once, so that was a weird day - but I think you will be okay on this one. Just forget it happened and he will too. Until the next time.

3:52 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

It's better to have kissed and regret than to never have kissed at all. Really, if things are going to be weird, they might as well be weird in the "we made out for half an hour one night" sort of way rather than the "...then after we finished with the last body, we went out for pancakes" sort of way.

7:46 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

moderator - have you SEEN my ass? of course he wants a commitment. Gah.

i don't like pancakes. i prefer tacos.

7:56 PM  
Blogger amischwab said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:59 PM  
Blogger amischwab said...

>>Why would you voluntarily put your mouth on something so vile?<<
cause you're hot.
dudess, it happens. have a beer, talk about the "weirdness" and make out again, or not.

9:59 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Who cares if you kissed a dude, just enjoy it. You know, some of us don't get any (that we freely admit to) and you don't see us bitching about it. Marry him, then he'll learn his lesson.

I'm just being a douche--forgive me?

10:14 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

complications..kinda suck but I say what the other guy says...have another beer with about the weirdness before it goes on and then go with it....whatever it is

10:47 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

complications..kinda suck but I say what the other guy says...have another beer with about the weirdness before it goes on and then go with it....whatever it is

10:47 PM  
Anonymous vera said...

i prefer sausage to taco...



10:15 AM  
Blogger Curly said...

So, was it fun making out with him?

You haven't mentioned that yet..

11:51 AM  
Blogger Barry said...

I dunno 'shoe guy' or anything. But I think he appreciated what you did, even where you stand with men. But I have been wrong like 99.3% of the time when it comes to relationships - hah!

I think at least part of your heart is gold

12:01 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Vera! Omg. Does this mean I am some kind of subliminal lesbian? This is big. I like sausage too. I LOVE sausage, in fact.

ami - i don't care how hot some guy is if he tastes like a baboon's backend, i am not going to suck on him.

grunt - see, you could get some if you wanted to. you are just too good to fool around with high school make-out partners. i'm such a loser.

kylee - i don't want to talk about it. i just want it to go away. i am much better at blowing people off. but he's my friend so that would mean i am a bitch. guess i will have to have "the talk". i'll get him WASTED first.

curly - the reason i haven't mentioned it is really because i don't remember it all that much. i remember the tailgate being hard on my back and i lost my clippy, but that's about it. bad, yeah?

barry - ha. yeah. i am such a philanthropist.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Hambone said...

Just wanted to say I had a great 17th birthday again! GT's (good times) Just wanted to say thanks to Crystal for eating all the gold fish so that the person I was sitting next to didn't eat any! Big Thanks to the shoeboy, he took another bullet for me!

6:39 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

took another bullet?

don't act like you didn't come try to touch my nono-zone when i was asleep in your parents' spare bedroom.

6:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's Ramon. Damn Crystal I had no idea who Shoe Boy was until now....sorry I wasn't out celebrating Ham's B-Day....I had to work.


9:08 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Crystal=not a loser. Grunt can't make out with his high school womens because they are all Mormon and have cranked out ten kids by now. I will make out with other graduating classes though. What's gonna stop me, huh? I'd take a bullet for you, btw, sweaty goldfish breath or no, because you'd kick Mr. Hires principal ass for me if you had a time machine.

11:59 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home