Monday, March 19, 2007

No barking from the dog, no smog...

I feel like I should post today even though I would be more likely to shoot a butternut squash out of my tear duct than write anything interesting. 2 things on the 1st sentence: 1. Lately, the butternut squash seems to be the focus of any topic dealing with insertion or de-sertion, as it were. 2. One of my good friends (you know who you are) can shoot boogers out of her tear ducts!!!!!

So now, you get a numbered recap of my exciting weekend.

1. I made up for March 14th on Friday. I posted a little bit about it over there, but I didn’t go into too much detail. I can’t be giving all my secrets away, now can I? I have enough old men and thugs males sniffing around as is. Gah. I will say that this weekend was rockthefuckinghousespectacular and my steak tasted guuuuuud. We both wound up getting completely wasted. I really like this holiday. It’s better than Christmas. Sorry, Jesus, that your birthday sucks compared to Steak and Blowjob Day.

2. Overheard at a party on Saturday night:

“Remember that time I was so wasted that I made a big batch of punch and stirred it with my flip-flop?”

3. I lost an additional 2 pounds which makes for a complete loss of 20 pounds in the past 6 or 7 months. I haven’t been this light since I graduated from college. The weird thing is that I’m not even trying. I started taking the stairs at work and I don’t have a McRib every time I crave one. The bad thing is that I don’t fit into my work clothes anymore and so most of them are falling down and dragging the ground and I am too damn cheap to go shopping for a new work wardrobe – especially when there are effing SHORTS AND OTHER LEG BARING ARTICLES OF CLOTHING that I need to spend money on. Speaking of leg baring, I wore a skirt. In public. And nobody made fun of me. To my face.


Blogger jules said...

The "to you face" comment is the critical part. Will the mysterious video be on you tube soon?

2:30 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

I went to a frat party in college where all of the guys stirred the punch with something us girls don't have.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

your friday sounds AMAZING! good for you, you deserve it miss crystal. and 20 pounds without even really trying?! holy cow, i'm super jealous. but again-- good for you. i always believe this motto-- good things happen to good people.

5:54 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I think it is great that you are still eating McRibs. So, when do we get to see a picture of a skirt wearing Chica?

11:20 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I am so proud of your 20 lbs. That is awesome. What a wonderful weekend! I'm glad you take celebrating birthdays seriously!

6:53 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

and by birthdays, I meant holidays. Jeez!

6:54 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

But we made fun of you in our minds.

Congrats on the 20 lbs (assuming that's something you wanted to do...)

9:21 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I am really sad that I have lived so long without having heard about March 14th. I think for international and personal purposes I will move it to March 20 in Wales.

10:00 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

So I guess the tanning is working?

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This post makes baby jesus cry.

I found it funny though.


4:17 PM  

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