Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I Am Walking The Cow

I was reading this blog today and decided to comment, but the comment wound up being really long and so I decided to slap this bitch up here so as not to comment whore his entire comment section.

It's about farting. Because, you know, I don't post enough about ass emissions.

On office gas...
The person who called you immature was undoubtedly the one who farted. That's just the way it is. It's not so funny when that is your ass air stinking up the office. Once, I had to run down the hall after my boss and ask him a question and every time my foot hit the floor a little "PHHTTBB!" would come out.

I will demonstrate: "Mis-phhttb-ter Do-phttb!-re! What phttb! time is phttb your flight phttb leaving?" and I had to know.

and he just looked at me all did you just fart all the way down the hall? impressive, Glass. if i wasn't such a cocksucker, i'd give you a promotion!

and i was embarrassed. and i hid in my office for 10 minutes and then giggled for the rest of the day.

Farts are funny.

and people who don't laugh at farts are weird. I mean, it is ass air for crying out loud. Air! That comes out of your ass! and it makes noise!

Good fucking times right there. Good times.


Blogger Ryan said...

I totally agree with you on this pressing issue. Like the R.E.M. song says, everybody farts.

Your boss sounds cool. The last time I ran around the office with my shoes farting I wound up bleeding profusely from my ankles with a car battery attached to my yambag.

11:37 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

oh my gosh, THANK YOU! i think farts are the most hilarious thing, ever! every time i toot, i start laughing really hard... i like looping around doug forcing him to giggle with me and my stench.

farts are totally funny!

12:04 PM  
Blogger NiolK said...

I fourth that. Farts are funny.

That's why dutch oven-ing is officially the funniest thing one can do.

12:18 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

You have got to love a free whoopie cushion.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Ahh, Crystal, it's been too long since I've left you a comment. And is there anything more certain to bring a smile than a fart? I think not.

ffffffffffft. ;-)

9:29 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I love that you turned a comment about farting into a whole post. I think it is an underrated talent.

1:50 PM  
Blogger CruiserMel said...

I could be in a deep drug-induced coma and would wake up in hysterical, maniacal laughter if someone farted 100 miles away.

p.s. I stayed away too long. Sorry. I love your blog.

5:29 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I had a guy who was sitting in front of me on a metal folding chair fart right in my face. The reason why my face was there by his ass was that it was during a religious ceremony and we were in the position of prayer. This thing was honking loud and smelled like rotten eggs. I died inside because I barely maintained my composure through the rest of the 40 minute meeting. Needless to say that I laughed myself into fits when I got to the safety of the men's room.

I had that feeling like I'd be lynched if I laughed at caca wind. I have a better solution: don't fart in people's faces! Well, only if they don't deserve it.

8:42 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

I talk about farting so much on my free time here that I refuse to get involved in online fart chat.

I will say that when I do fart I laugh and when people tell me that it's not funny because it stinks so much, I just laugh harder.

6:15 PM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

the only things funnier than farts are blog posts about farts, and comments on said blog posts about farts.

i am seriously LMAO right now

hmm, just so you know, your blog might have a virus. a sexually transmitted one. the word verification is "manvd". get it? huh. I need some damn sleep...

10:37 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

It's official; farts are funny.

As long as I don't have to smell them.

3:09 AM  
Blogger Parisian Cowboy said...

yeah, I agree with mr fat sparrow.

1:13 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Erm, that's Mrs. Fat Sparrow. Nice to meet you.

8:17 PM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

p.s. Did you read my recent posts on boogers?? Boogers are funny too.

9:02 PM  

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