Friday, August 24, 2007

Inside each man is the power to heal.

I have taken to the idea that if you rub semen on things it helps them to heal or possibly even return from death. I told Ryan to put some sperm on the flowers he sent his lady. Matt, you should rub some on your cancer and John Hands, you should rub some on the turquoise walls that have overtaken your home.

I got an email today that attempted to explain the absurdity of my belief:

If loads of semen could brings things to life, therewould be a village of my gym socks flourishing outthere in the wilderness right now.



Blogger goldennib said...

There is a place in Montana where newly resurrected socks go to frolic in the daisies.

3:25 PM  
Blogger ekki said...


3:51 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

I thought it was Windex?

4:55 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Well, seeing as how my semen is now full of the chemicals adriamycin, bleomycin, vinblastine and dacarbazine, I think it just might work. I shouldn't make babies for awhile because they'd turn into mini gojira (godzillas). Come to think of it, my semen just might remove a variety of verucas.

Will you help me market it?

10:52 PM  
Blogger NiolK said...

I fuckin told you.

My semen can work as an anti-depressant.

It's also considered an apéritif in Poland and Japan.

11:21 AM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

Mah baby growin in yo eeer.

9:17 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Ok, is there an alternative? Cuz despite the suckitude of my life lately (not complaining, mind you, it just does) I don't feel so much like smearing some guys baby batter on myself. Now, if there was an offer out there for someone - read, "someone really hot of the female variety" - who would let me rub some of mine on her, well then I'd have to say, yeah, that might improve my mood a LOT!

12:11 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Seriously, gym socks. You've got to be kidding me.... eh- to each their own.

1:01 PM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

does it get stains out too?

10:35 PM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

Not to mention little versions of your other profile picture.

2:41 PM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

Crystal, I keep forgetting to ask you, but I have a new laptop, and do not have the address for the other site you showed me. Can I get it again, please? You can email me at:

Hope to see it soon, buddy.

11:02 PM  

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