Monday, September 10, 2007

Caution: Hot Pictures! Try to control yourself


My mom gave me a haircut tonight. Brave woman, that lady...especially after the horrorfeck of an experience I had with the last guy that decided to give me BANGS! I found some bandaids in her bathroom and we decided to play dress up. Well, I decided to play dress up while my mom stood in the corner trying to figure out the person in our family who passed the completely retarded gene to me and I heard her mutter under her breath, "Well at least she's not a damn republican" and then she gave me a big hug.













Friday night was ladie-th night. We danced.

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And we cooked. Well, Jamie cooked. We just watched her and drank wine.

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And we swam. Well, the rest of the girls swam. I sat on the edge due to an ornery cervix.

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In other news, my biopsy went well. By well, I mean it hurt like hell and left me in tears and made me feel like I was smuggling porcupines for a good 12 hours. The specialist I went to was also a cosmetic surgeon, which means that she has access to an unlimited supply of botox. There is something about laying naked from the waist down, legs spread, looking down and seeing this doing things to the parts of me that are responsible for 85% of my life's enjoyment.
Ryan and I went to see Superbad this weekend. There were two older women that came in with their umbrellas and purses that looked like they were made out of carpet with pictures of kittens playing with yarn on them and I'm The Best Grandma Ever Invented sweatshirts. They left 2 minutes into the movie. They were not happy. They were angry best grandmas and they apparently thought this was going to be a wholesome family movie and when the words fuck and dick were mentioned 45 times in those two minutes, they knew that they were wrong and left. That, or they went to the cougar bar down the street to scout out some ass.


8 Comments:

Blogger bryan torre said...

Glad to see you're feeling better. Except for the girl thing parts thing whatever. I don't want to know about cervixes, actually, thanks tho*.
So I'm sure I had a point.
Two minutes into Superbad, I turned to my 14-yr-old son and said "You must never tell anyone ever, including the government but especially your mother, that I took you to this movie." But then we laughed a lot, when we weren't cringing.
Okay, this is the most useless blog comment in history, thanks for listening.

*except to bump against one, he added with a creepy snicker

11:41 AM  
Blogger NiolK said...

In my hand

right now

my cock.

PS - Superbad was damn funny. Way better than Knocked Up.

1:00 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Great pictures.

Glad the biopsy is over.

How on earth did they let the grandmas in the movie? I thought R means restricted.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

OK, so bring on the hot pictures already!

Just kidding! Sorry hon, it was an obvious joke; I couldn't resist. Feel free to comment on me. Lord knows there's lots of ammo there. hehe.

5:23 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

bryan - male bonding at its best. are you going to take him to a strip club when he turns 18?
you said bump against one. you are funneh.

niolk - when is your cock not in your hand? :) i agree with you - superbad was better than knocked up.

nib - haha they should put age minimums and maximums on every movie! rated r - not intended for audiences under 16 and over 80.

e.a. - actually when i said "hot pictures", that was a complete joke because they are completely retarded pictures. however, the pictures below that of my friends are beautiful because i have beautiful friends. want me to hook you up or what.

7:57 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I'm glad you're not a Republican too. Also, I love that kitchen a little bit too much.

Sorry the biopsy hurt-- the Girls' night looked like lots of fun!

10:11 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Well I dunno, could ya? I may need more than one though: I've got a LOT of pent up "frustration" if you know what I mean (wink wink nudge nudge).

10:39 AM  
Blogger Neal said...

Any time there are pictures of you with your hot friends, there should be waaaaay more than 7 comments to show for it.

4:29 PM  

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