Can you believe that Tiger?!
1. Ham had an 80’s roller skating birthday party on Saturday. It got off to a rough start. When I was supposed to be leaving, Jesus started crying – as Ryan says – and his tears were so plentiful that within 10 minutes, our street was flooded. When I looked out the window, a small burst of flames swooshed by my ear and I realized that I’d set my hair on fire on a candle. I smelled like a bad perm and burnt self-esteem all night long. It was pretty gross.
I finally made it to Ham’s. Sailor Jerry was there and not only made me feel a lot better about my Michael Jackson incident (how 80’s of me), but also made me feel super sexy until I had the opportunity to look in a mirror. Nikki and I went to get some food from Taco Bell. Nicole went to the bathroom and I was sitting by myself when this group of guys three tables over started cat-calling me. I was mortified and tried to ignore them. Nikki FINALLY got back from the bathroom and told them to knock it off because I was hers. About half-way through the meal, one of the guys came up to me.
Guy: So can I get your number?
Me: How old are you?
Guy: Um, 16.
Me: That is illegal. I am old enough to be your mother! (if I was a major slut in middle school)
Guy: Yeah, but it’ll get me ten bucks. Come on.
So I gave a 16 year old guy my number and I am pretty sure he was 14. I know. Not my proudest moment. But the look on his face when he skipped back to his little friends was priceless – like he just scored a new GI Joe Desert Wolf Ranger with kung fu grip(!!!), so it was worth it.
The skating was fun. I didn’t fall, but that was probably because I skated as little as possible. I didn't want a repeat of last year when I was standing prefectly still talking to these two guys about how good of a skater I am and how I never fall and mid-sentence, I was on the ground, panties up trying to figure out what the hell just happened until my boyfriend skated up and helped me. He's like Superman, that one. Anyway, on Saturday, one guy ran into the wall with his FACE within 10 minutes of putting his skates on. Good incentive for me to just sit there. I like it when people fall, but I don’t like people to slam their faces onto things. Bleh.
I will post more pictures later. I don’t have many with me at work.
2. I am going to Angola in September. I have been saying I am going to Africa “next month!” since I started working here and I have not gone. So I am not holding my breath. This time, though, they seem super serious about it. I will get to go offshore (!!!), so I have to take a helicopter training class just incase the helicopter doesn’t explode and just winds up falling into the ocean. This safety class consists of blindfolding me and safety-belting me into a helicopter with some other folks, then turning the helicopter upside down and submerging it in water. I have to stay calm and remove myself. HA. I get freaked out in the shower when the drain is a little clogged. I will probably just start screaming and flailing my arms until my lungs fill with water and I successfully knock out each of my lucky classmates. Then the teacher will have to jump in and save me. I hope he is hot.
I finally made it to Ham’s. Sailor Jerry was there and not only made me feel a lot better about my Michael Jackson incident (how 80’s of me), but also made me feel super sexy until I had the opportunity to look in a mirror. Nikki and I went to get some food from Taco Bell. Nicole went to the bathroom and I was sitting by myself when this group of guys three tables over started cat-calling me. I was mortified and tried to ignore them. Nikki FINALLY got back from the bathroom and told them to knock it off because I was hers. About half-way through the meal, one of the guys came up to me.
Guy: So can I get your number?
Me: How old are you?
Guy: Um, 16.
Me: That is illegal. I am old enough to be your mother! (if I was a major slut in middle school)
Guy: Yeah, but it’ll get me ten bucks. Come on.
So I gave a 16 year old guy my number and I am pretty sure he was 14. I know. Not my proudest moment. But the look on his face when he skipped back to his little friends was priceless – like he just scored a new GI Joe Desert Wolf Ranger with kung fu grip(!!!), so it was worth it.
The skating was fun. I didn’t fall, but that was probably because I skated as little as possible. I didn't want a repeat of last year when I was standing prefectly still talking to these two guys about how good of a skater I am and how I never fall and mid-sentence, I was on the ground, panties up trying to figure out what the hell just happened until my boyfriend skated up and helped me. He's like Superman, that one. Anyway, on Saturday, one guy ran into the wall with his FACE within 10 minutes of putting his skates on. Good incentive for me to just sit there. I like it when people fall, but I don’t like people to slam their faces onto things. Bleh.
I will post more pictures later. I don’t have many with me at work.
2. I am going to Angola in September. I have been saying I am going to Africa “next month!” since I started working here and I have not gone. So I am not holding my breath. This time, though, they seem super serious about it. I will get to go offshore (!!!), so I have to take a helicopter training class just incase the helicopter doesn’t explode and just winds up falling into the ocean. This safety class consists of blindfolding me and safety-belting me into a helicopter with some other folks, then turning the helicopter upside down and submerging it in water. I have to stay calm and remove myself. HA. I get freaked out in the shower when the drain is a little clogged. I will probably just start screaming and flailing my arms until my lungs fill with water and I successfully knock out each of my lucky classmates. Then the teacher will have to jump in and save me. I hope he is hot.
3. Since both my boyfriend and I have the same sense of humor as an ADD-riddled adolescent, he sent me this picture the last time he went to a work conference. Every time I see something like this, I wonder if the company did it on purpose and, if yes, I would love to be there for the advertsing company's sales pitch. Reminds me of playing with Cale's dimpled balls.
posted by Crystal at 9:30 AM
6 Comments:
Skating and drowning in helicopters is bad, very bad. I say give up both.
I love suggestive advertising. Makes me giggle.
I am jealous of that 16-year-old.
The fun part of a helicopter is that if the engine dies, you're considerably less likely to smash into the earth. The upward draft causes the blades to turn, bringing you down at a tolerable speed. Of course, if you lose the tail rotor, you'll spin and be puking all the way down. I would think that would add to the challenge of a watery escape. Enjoy drowning!
I can't believe you didn't make the kid split the $10 with you. I can just see him refusing and you chasing him down on rollerskates all night screaming "$2! $2! I want my $2!" (either that or screaming expletives at him)
At least you have 16-year-olds macking on you rather than 60-year-olds. Then again, you don't want to be known as the local Mary Kay Letourneau.
He may be 16 but he's got the balls and smarts of a, say... 17 1/2 year old.
I WANT that button!
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