Wednesday, October 08, 2008

one time when i was a teenager, i got an online boyfriend sort of thing. it was right when we got the internet and instead of doing homework i would frequent chat rooms (one time a guy started fingering my asshole in the chatroom and i was so offended that i never went back to the galactic grotto!!! the fucking nerve of that one) anyway, i would go to these things and i wound up talking to this 17 year old guy every day named harley and he was pretty charming and so it evolved to the point where we decided to move our relationship to the phone level and when he called me he was obviously a 45 year old man with cerebral palsy and he kept asking me what color my underwear was. not a good experience but i felt kind of bad for him so i let him jack off to my voice and changed my phone number. damn my niceties.

11 Comments:

Blogger Beth said...

that might qualify as being TOO nice!!!

1:36 PM  
Blogger Miss Pants said...

Lovely! :)

1:42 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

beth - maybe a gray area? no? i don't know. i have always been bad at good vs. bad, and nice vs. completely perverted and illegal

miss pants - i'm growing as a person! i didn't look at a weiner which was offered for me to look at. sometimes you just have to tell people that they need to back the eff off. or you can do what i do and say i think i hear my mom calling me in for dinner.

1:59 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Holy Crap that was you?

2:45 PM  
Blogger JL said...

I'd call that a learning experience.

2:46 PM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

7:26 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

Call me please?

8:10 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Did you know if you Google your full name and the state you live in, I can see your phone number? Which reminds me, do you have caller ID?

11:42 AM  
Blogger Priyanka Shetty said...

Ergo..virtual boyfriends must be kept virtual!

12:47 AM  
Anonymous Den Relojo said...

Virtual "relationship" is quite detached from reality. Thus, one should be wary about it. And your story just drives home the whole point.

9:06 PM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

by a happy coincidence, i am also a 45-yr-old man with cerebral palsy. when can i call you?
PS. i will be in dallas next week. that's sort of like houston, except being like 6 hrs away. i'll think of you anyway because it's still texas and because i'll have nothing else to do since i have a cold sore that feels like the size of a musk ox starting to take over my lip, so i likely won't be hitting on women at the bar in my hotel.
perhaps i've shared too much, but i feel honesty is the best policy.

2:10 AM  

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