Friday, December 03, 2004

Take the Bottle....Shake it Up...

I have often dreamed about becoming a stripper, but not at an all nude bar - at a thong bar or maybe even a full coverage panty bar. I could probably pull it off if I lost about 10 pounds and grew my hair until it hit my brastrap and got some plastic surgery and developed some form of rythm. My song would be "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leopard.

This one time, my girlfriends and I took a trip to New Orleans and we decided to check out this nudey bar with both male and female strippers. The sign out front said "live sex acts" so we knew that this was the place for us. They lied. There were no live sex acts. This one lady - a big girl, in a black sweater and black sweatpants took her boobies out of the neck of her sweater and put her arms above her head and made each boobie move to the rythm of the song. Boy, if that doesn't turn you on, there is something wrong with you. Then there was another girl who I think had some bullet-hole scars on her buttcheeks and stretch marks from having babies and half closed eyelids. She walked (no dancing) around the pole to "The Rains Down in Africa". I wonder if she ever thought, boy I can't wait to be a stripper and dance to "The Rains Down in Africa"!

What would be your stripper song if you became a stripper?


Blogger Chris Cope said...

Lynyrd Skynyrd's "Freebird" -- most likely everyone would get up and leave by the time I got to my "innovative" guitar solo.

2:27 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

i bet your wife is proud of you when you get drunk at karaoke bars!

6:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"You and me are a Disease", from Lovage!!! and i would rub my butt crack up and down the pole and Not even use a Moist Towlette to wipe it with when I'm done. YEAH. Take that you buncha hoochies!
-you know who baby!

8:18 PM  

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