Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Violets are Blue, Roses are Red, I'm Sorry I Pooted in Your Bed

When people first get together, they have to act like they don't do disgusting things like pass gass, go #2, or pick their nose. Then after about a year, they leave the bathroom door open, hold heads under the covers, and try to launch snot rockets aimed at their partner's face. So I was thinking about this and decided to blog about my first faht in front of Brendan. He always would make these elaborate gourmet dishes that had me in gastric distress for hours afterwards. I had never spent the night with him before. It was after one of his famous meals. We slept peacefully until all of the sudden it sounded like someone started a Harley. "BAROOMROOMROOMROOM!" It was right about the time the war started and I thought we were being attacked. I looked out the window - and then I realized that came out of my ass! I looked at Brendan. He still seemed like he was asleep. I apparently woke the dog up because he was looking at me, head cocked, eyes wide. Back to Brendan: "B?" "Yeah?" crap. woke him up. "I shook the walls, B." He said, "I love you" and fell back asleep. I didn't. I was mortified. I laid awake all night thinking about how to cover it up, praying that he wouldn't remember. I didn't say anything. The next day we went to lunch and the ketchup bottle kept making fart noises. I bought construction papaer and crayons and made a homemade I'm-Sorry-I-Farted card. If that happened now, I would probably high five myself and him and go back to sleep. It's amazing how far I've come.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hell. I'd be proud of that too! Then again I do sleep by myself. Stay away from old carrots...that's as far as I will elaborate! LOL


9:21 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

There was a Sex and the City episode about this once. Big broke up with Carrie for about a whole season when this happened.

11:17 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

I don’t remember this Sex and The City episode… I must review, but the post had me giggling because I have had similar experiences and it is funny to think how we play like we aren’t human for so long and then one day without our control something completely mortifying happens… something human. Love it.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Astrid said...

Haha .. that is nearly TOO funny, but then again we are only human, right or wrong?

12:26 PM  
Blogger lolsshea said...


That's one of the cutest posts I've ever read! I can totally empathize with you...except the relationship I'm in now is the first where I felt safe enough to pass noxious gasses (or as my father so aptly named them, contrary fumigations). I went for 5 YEARS prior without farting or pooping or even belching!

Women of the world need to unite and be allowed to FART FREELY!

9:27 PM  

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