For Audrey
This is for Audrey because people haven't been making nice on this blog. I wrote this a long time ago and I still mean every word of it.
And by pussy, I mean pussycat, as in kitten, you perverted fucks.
Ode to My Significant Auder
Oh, Auder, I love you I do
You've adopted my pussy
And my microwave too
You have a heart like a melon
A smile like a conoe
And although quite small
You wear a very large shoe
Oh! The times we've had!
The mean boys...the carrots
If I won a bunch of clown/midget porn
With you I would share it
I miss you so much
Please come home quick
For if you had a schlong
You'd be my first pick
Oh, Auder, I love you I do
You've adopted my pussy
And my microwave too
You have a heart like a melon
A smile like a conoe
And although quite small
You wear a very large shoe
Oh! The times we've had!
The mean boys...the carrots
If I won a bunch of clown/midget porn
With you I would share it
I miss you so much
Please come home quick
For if you had a schlong
You'd be my first pick
And by pussy, I mean pussycat, as in kitten, you perverted fucks.
posted by Crystal at 6:25 AM
8 Comments:
"But that cat was the best fuck I've ever had." (It's a line from a Steve Martin album I used to listen to when I was a kid.)
And who hasn't been making nice?
somebody wrote a poem about audrey's breasts! while very entertaining, audrey's boobs are special and should be cherished and not defamed in a poem. so i am trying to make up for it.
In this stanza:
"You have a heart like a melon
A smile like a conoe
And although quite small
You were a very large shoe"
did you intend the words 'conoe' and the line 'you were a very large shoe?'
Who would write a poem about Audrey's breasts, and why?
oooo look at thomas!like a knight in shining armor.
YOU HEAR THAT RAVI?
you've got some competition here!
I am firmly behind Thomas. Even in these modern times a gentleman must represent.
"Just the place for a snark" Crystal cried,
As she landed her crew with care
"Just the place for a snark" she sighed,
"I hear they have short hair."
"What's a Snark?" a blogger barked,
"Are you sure it even exists?"
"It's a mythic creature with lovely features
"That's dangerous when it's pissed."
"Like a unicorn or a pegasus?"
One of the bloggers opined,
"More like a gorgeous girl," Crystal insists
"But with a really great mind."
They sought it at punk rock shows
They sought it at Triple Crown
They sought it at Katz's delecatessen
Where they heard one once fell down.
They hunted it with weapons varied
They hunted it with ivory horn
But it would've been more astute to carry
A bunch of midget porn
okay so that's not complete but i'm gonna quit before i get in trouble again. anyways, apologies to lewis carroll (oh and everybody else)
IF i could combine all of you in one big ball of people love, i would never leave woodstock either.
Thanks you guyses. and aren't Crystal and Ravi awesome poets???
he's only written about a bagillion good ones but gets the shit kicked out of him for the ONE i get all sensitive about. JUST like A BOOB!!! fear not. dr. tatersol shall be the last to see these fine teets but not before a nice drunken show that is sure to take place immediatly following crystal's wedding. "what cops?? what boobs?? oh, these. they are spectacular but you can't possibly cuff them. it will cost at least a dollar." will you all be there to bail me out of that one???
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