Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Tip Of The Day (for Gena)

This post is specifically for Gena, but if it applies to you, then feel free to use it to your advantage.

Once upon a time, in a small town called Wharton - my hometown to be exact - there lived a transvestite named Miss Kitty. Miss Kitty looked like a man, talked like a man, and moved like a man, but she had a long blonde weave, wore dresses and false eyelashes, and lots of red lipstick surrounded by what I used to think were remnants of her powdered doughnut breakfast. She frequented the elementary school I attended. Kids would scream down the hall "It's Miss Kitty! It's Miss Kitty!" The teachers and principals would run after Miss Kitty to try to make her leave, but she was swift and cunning and liked to hide in small places. I now believe that this was a game Miss Kitty played because she was lonely...or completely fucked up out of her mind.

Anyway, you may be all thinking...How does this apply to Gena??? Hell, Gena may be thinking, How does this apply to me?...or in Gena-speak What the fuck are you trying to say about me bitch? But, hold your horses, dears, for I am getting to the point of the story.

Gena works in a poultry plant (she informed me yesterday that they also sell seafood - well, pin a rose on your pretentious nose). So I told Gena she should just go shopping while taking "inventory" if you know what I mean. How can you get a turkey out subtly?

Miss Kitty liked to go to HEB and steal things by hiding them between her thighs. She stole 12 packs of cokes, candy, and yes! even a briscuit or two! - not all at once, of course. THAT'S how you steal a turkey.

Tip: When stealing a turkey, be sure your dress is at least ankle-length and practice squeezing a watermelon between your thighs for 4-6 weeks before your heist.


Blogger Sir Craig of Highbury said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Sir Craig of Highbury said...

You just blew my mind I am glad I do not work at a poultry plant... Imagine the stench.

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there is no "stench"

8:11 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

imagine coming down the hall and finding out you should have practiced that "melon-grasping" thing for one more week.
French Bitch..."EWE, i think she just birthed a turkey."
Gena... "Awe, crap."

9:07 PM  

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