Saturday, February 12, 2005

Valentine's Day Gift Ideas

I was chatting with Kyo last night about Valentine's Day and the effect it has on new relationships. What do you get someone you've known only a short period of time? It forces you face questions like, "Where is this relationship going?" "Does this mean we have to cuddle after coitus?" "Will she finally toss my salad?" I hope all of you just-seeing-each-other people out there know what a huge impact your Valentine's Day gift will have. Do you know what you are getting yourself into? If you opt out of participating in the holiday altogether, using the lame excuse that it is only here to fill 35% of Walgreens' floorspace (AHEM - THOMAS) - then your not-so-significant (NSSO) other just might opt out of participating in all the free sex she's giving you. Keep that in mind, fellas.

Thinking back to me and Brendan's first Valentine's Day - considering I met him on Feb. 13 and turned him down for a date - I picked the perfect gift (I am sure that is why we are engaged today). I left a huge jar of movie pickles on his front step (which his roommate clumsily tripped over and almost broke his neck). Pickles are the perfect present and will leave your NSSO wondering exactly what you meant.

I suggested to Kyo that he purchase an onion and paint it like the ass end of a baboon. Then when she says "What is this?" You can say "It is an onion. I colored it like the ass end of a baboon." Something fun, creative, and definitely better than a dozen roses and it doesn't spark the aforementioned questions. If you use this technique, you may just get your salad tossed this year.

I got my Valentine's gift today. It is a membership to 24 Hour Fitness! Not only can I work out as much as I want, but anytime of the day or night as well! If I wake up at 3:15am and feel like using an elyptical trainer or pumping some iron, well, then I can just scoot on over to the gym!

Good luck on finding the perfect Valentine's Day gift - and remember to wash it first.


Blogger jks_ said...

I think I am going to go with your original idea of making a CD. Not to say the onion thing isn't tempting, but I don't have an onion or paint. Now I just need to find a couple of songs that encourage salad-tossing.

2:11 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

what is a movie pickle? is it like a dvd dick? a show schlong?

i am being an obnoxious idiot, but i truly do not know, and i am fascinated by the term.
plus i haven't gotten anyone any presents for v-day yet.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I stick by my 33% rule until I have a date on Valentine's Day. It was the 33% rule, sexylovepits.

5:00 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

A membership to 24-Hour Fitness? Did you also get a tube of toothpaste and a bar of soap? Are you sure he's not trying to tell you something?

9:48 AM  

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