I AM PREGNANT!
Good aftern...er, evening to you all. I am still at work the day before the holiday and everyone's gone. I will have to leave the building in the dark and then walk to through the parking garage all alone, up the stairs to the 4th floor. So if I don't post, it means I got mugged...or maybe killed. This one lady that I work with got mugged in the parking garage. He didn't kill her. Just pistol whipped her real good. If he pistol whips me, I'd like to say I would kick him in the balls, but I would probably just cry and offer him my pin number and passwords to all my many many highly secretive secret things.
However, I told Thomas I would post today, and I am not a girl to go back on my word. Even though it may COST ME MY LIFE.
So we are babysitting Steph's chihuahua, Princess. I have renamed her "Miss P" because "Princess" just sounds to prissy and I am a big lesbian. She gets in Bo's face and barks at him when Bo tries to play with his own toys or when he eats his own food, or when he gets anywhere near B or me. Bo just looks at her like "what the fuck?" and moves around slowly, not making eye contact except to communicate to her things like "ooooo. you pooped on the carpet. you're gonna get in trouble....". she doesn't care. she bounces around trying to be our favorite. i am starting to worry about B. I think he is falling in love with her. not romantically - because that is just fucked up - I am his bitch, but he won't leave her alone. It gets to the point where I have to separate them. I am definitely going to be the disciplinarian when we have children. Which brings me to my point - I am not really pregnant. Just thought I'd fuck with yall. After all, it is a religious holiday.
However, I told Thomas I would post today, and I am not a girl to go back on my word. Even though it may COST ME MY LIFE.
So we are babysitting Steph's chihuahua, Princess. I have renamed her "Miss P" because "Princess" just sounds to prissy and I am a big lesbian. She gets in Bo's face and barks at him when Bo tries to play with his own toys or when he eats his own food, or when he gets anywhere near B or me. Bo just looks at her like "what the fuck?" and moves around slowly, not making eye contact except to communicate to her things like "ooooo. you pooped on the carpet. you're gonna get in trouble....". she doesn't care. she bounces around trying to be our favorite. i am starting to worry about B. I think he is falling in love with her. not romantically - because that is just fucked up - I am his bitch, but he won't leave her alone. It gets to the point where I have to separate them. I am definitely going to be the disciplinarian when we have children. Which brings me to my point - I am not really pregnant. Just thought I'd fuck with yall. After all, it is a religious holiday.
posted by Crystal at 3:43 PM
6 Comments:
Haha, you got me also Crystal!!! The first bit was the grabber and for the first time I paid careful attention to what I was reading on a long blog post. Do I smell a budding writer in you? Probably just my smelly soccer shoes. Naw, it was you. Well done.
... and furthermore, your postings are one of the few things I look forward to on a work day and you are a valued friend. So, if anyone mugs you they shall have me and my mates to deal with and I am sure b would have a posy together by the time I got mine together and I am an hour away but if he did not then I would assume he is already dead and we should have to avenge two deaths and I must admit I have never avenged two deaths before.
*breath*
she's pregnant. that's 3 deaths.
And I will avenge four deaths, because Sir Craig's assemblance of a posy (defined as a "nosegay" or "small bunch of flowers") likely will not help him. My posse and I will dispatch with all your attackers.
PS -- I am a word geek. Please don't kill me Sir Craig.
Not a chance Chris... I am a bit of a perfectionist myself when it comes to my writing. But, after as much ale as I consumed I feel the aforementioned mistake is acceptable... and spell check did not catch it because it is a word in the English vocabulary.
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