DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG!!!
Every now and then I start giggling to myself because I keep remembering Thanksgiving with my family. Everytime our family gets together, my dad seems to yell about something.
He never checks to make sure what he covering his food in is what he wants to cover his food with so he inevitably winds up peppering his entire plate.:
Dad: What tha....GODAMMIT. PEPPER IN THE SALT SHAKER!? WHO USES OPAQUE SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS? HOW YOU SUPPOSED TO TELL IF IT'S PEPPER OR SALT???
Brendan: (under his breath) Pepper's black.
That usually happens at every single family function where opaque S&P shakers are present.
However, this Thanksgiving, it was something else...My grandparents have 2 chihuahuas and my dad does not like dogs at all. Apparently the neighbors have a chihuahua that snuck in the doggy door during lunch:
Dad: DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE! DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE. GODDAM DOGS. GET EM OUT!
This type of loud behavior used to bother me, but now I find it incredibly funny. So funny, in fact, that in the past few days I have blurted out DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE! GODDAMIT! and then laugh and laugh and laugh several times only to have everyone look at me in a funny way, not understanding what the heck I am talking about.
Oh, Dad.
He never checks to make sure what he covering his food in is what he wants to cover his food with so he inevitably winds up peppering his entire plate.:
Dad: What tha....GODAMMIT. PEPPER IN THE SALT SHAKER!? WHO USES OPAQUE SALT & PEPPER SHAKERS? HOW YOU SUPPOSED TO TELL IF IT'S PEPPER OR SALT???
Brendan: (under his breath) Pepper's black.
That usually happens at every single family function where opaque S&P shakers are present.
However, this Thanksgiving, it was something else...My grandparents have 2 chihuahuas and my dad does not like dogs at all. Apparently the neighbors have a chihuahua that snuck in the doggy door during lunch:
Dad: DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE! DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE. GODDAM DOGS. GET EM OUT!
This type of loud behavior used to bother me, but now I find it incredibly funny. So funny, in fact, that in the past few days I have blurted out DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESN'T BELONG HERE! GODDAMIT! and then laugh and laugh and laugh several times only to have everyone look at me in a funny way, not understanding what the heck I am talking about.
Oh, Dad.
posted by Crystal at 10:58 AM
11 Comments:
Ah dads. Ya gotta love 'em!
DOG IN THE HOUSE THAT DOESNT BELONG!!!!!!
I love that!!!
There is something about dads repeating things and also saying things in a way that they of course don't find humorous, but their children certainly do. Jege and my dad has a fondness for getting angry at cars while driving (when he encounters them--in ND, there really are few cars around) and yelling out their license plate as if it were their name:
"LTK 937-WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?! STAY IN YOUR LANE!!!"
"Hey, Mr. Blue Oldsmobile, Mr. GTF-723!!! Let's move it! Get aggressive!!"
HAHAHA. I wanna drive with yall's dad. Maybe we can switch for a day or two.
oh, man, that's great. I've decided I'm going to say it too. Just think of where this'll end up!!
I think it's great when things that once bothered and perturbed us can finally become funny and entertaining.
The other thing my dad constantly does is mix up his cliches.....malapropisms, I think they're called. Here are some examples of things he has yelled at us kids in anger over the years:
"YOU JUST THINK THE WORLD OWES YOU AN OYSTER, DONTCHA?!!" (combination of "you think the world owes you a living" and "the world is your oyster")
"GODDAMMIT!!! WHEN YOU GET HOME YOUR ASS IS MY LAWNMOWER, MISSY!!!"(abbreviated and nonsensical version of "your ass is grass & I'm the lawnmower". I TOLD him not to watch those dorky action flicks on TBS).
Em, what are some more?
Oh, and there's always the "HEY! YOU!! YOU KIDS!!!! GET OFF OF MY LAWN!! HEY !!" followed by his mad dash out the front door to chase off the offenders. But don't all dads do that? While holding rakes? No? Oh.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
oh, and the reason there are a few big rocks in front of the house AND one by the mailbox? Dad put them there so people will hit them when they try to drive over our mailbox or INTO our house. uh huh.
well, my 2 personal fav dadisms are (once again w/ the lawnmower theme):
1. BUFFY, YOUR ASS IS MY LAWNMOWER!!!!! (Buffy was our golden retriever/cocker spaniel mix who promptly peed on the floor whenever yelled at--this was no exception)
2. "Let's rent 'Ruffing the Duck!' "(followed by blank stares from all)...."Oh, you know that movie... 'Romancing the Stone' "
Or, the other fav. Our dad, the retired pscyhotherapist/social worker has very strong beliefs about seeing any of the daughters in anything minorly scantily-clad. Whenever anything didn't fully cover everything (not like flashing or anything, but well, mini skirts were somewhat in fashion in ND at the time), dad would cover his face, walk out of the room and say things like "MORE CLOTHING, MUST WEAR MORE CLOTHING THAN THAT. COVER YOURSELF UP!!!"
mom and i would roll our eyes at him and she'd occasionally put in her two cents: "well, you look like a cheap streetwalker, but if that's the look you're going for."
this whole leingirlz3 conversation has brought back such fond memories of growing up as a part of the lein family!
Since I never wore anything but ripped jeans and flannel, I never got the "MORE CLOTHING" lecture.....
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