Thursday, March 30, 2006

Boy Part II

Just for The Grunt.

I don't really have a part II to speak of, but I will let you know. The guy I referred to in my previous post actually lives less than a mile away from me. Crazy, huh? He's a lawyer and he's got a great sense of humor. I didn't think they made those. Well, with the exception of Thomas, of course. This is an excerpt of one of his emails:

Africa! That's incredibly cool. Will that be for work or for vacation? Either way, I hope you will be wearing a khaki safari outfit at all times. (I'm all about site-specific wardrobes. When I'm in Canada, for example, I wear a Canadian Mountie uniform; when I'm in Greece, I wear a toga; and when I'm in South America, I "wear" a bunch of coke-filled condoms in my intestines and up my ass.

How can you not like a drug mule?

Tonight I went out with a couple of old friends and gave a new guy my number. He is cool, but he tried to touch my nani by sliding his hand up my thigh and so, of course, that made me want to punch him in the face. Crystal=Prude. Then he called me when I was on my way home and wanted to know if I wanted to hang out some more tonight. Boys=Horny. I thought there was a 3 day rule or something, right?


Anonymous vera said...

he says "khaki safari outfit" but what he really means is "tribal nakedness"...
he sounds rather charming. and i can see, just from that small excerpt, that his words would be a bit addicting.

verification word: wpzme
(i don't think i need to explain)

10:40 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

A whole post at my request? That's what I call a nod and a wink! I'm just being a little shit as usual.

Now was all that so hard, Crystal? It was a good exercise in watching people twist in the wind, though. At least you know that they do queue up nicely for ya. Shit, I'm #37.

Three-knuckle-shuffle is a bit forward at that point. Just jam your index finger into his cornea. Loud and clear will be written all over his face after that.

11:09 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I cant give you a link, so you'll have to cut and paste this:

This is a good product, btw. Nothing better than a little Tahitian Noni.

12:25 AM  
Blogger heatherfeather said...

speaking of africa, when?! and are you going to learn to knit?

and bad form to try to sample the pie when it's still in the case.

8:41 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Heatherfeather made a funny! Well, It had me laughing, anyway.

8:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He touched your nani? Whoa! This guy works fast. And yes, it's true. We ARE horny.

9:06 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

what was he THINKING? i am notorious for getting mad after the fact. heather, you had a great point. that is MY pie. it's in a case for a reason. so people don't go get thier dirty grubby hands all over it. i only knew the dude for maybe an hour and a half and he thinks he can just stick his hand in my love pocket?? I DON'T THINK SO, FOOL. i moved away. i didn't punch him but i should have. i just felt kind of bad for him because he had absolutely no game. i didn't feel bad enough to let him feel good, but at least i didn't bloody his damn nose.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

This Thomas guy sounds so hype.


2:00 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...


7:44 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

Somehow I read this post the first time and totally missed the nani-touching. I can't imagine being that drunk (or inept) that I would go straight for the nani.

9:28 PM  
Blogger Barry said...

He not only deserved a bloody nose, but what he did could even be considered criminal, OK, just the cop coming out in me

7:18 PM  
Blogger roxie said...

Dear God. Ok, I love the lawyer guy, anyone who wears a mountie outfit AND a toga is aces in my book. But the nani groper/drunk dialer is a stinky yardape. It sets really bad precedent for things to come when a guy is attempting a stealth fondling and a bootie call before he even knows your last name. Dude, leave a little something to the imagination.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

I thought it was the 3 DATE rule, but what do I know.

I can't help it, but your blog is very funny so I'm somewhat hooked in your archives. Sorry for posts that are no longer relevant. :-)

3:33 PM  

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