Sunday, April 02, 2006

Lazy Seductress

I have decided not to shave my legs ever again. Is that bad? This is the reason: When I shave my legs and wear matching underthings, I have to make out with someone or it's all been for nothing.

I am still learning how to reject guys. I'm terrible at it because I don't want to hurt their feelings, but at the same time I know I am being an asshole because I am not being honest with them. Pity-kissing = Suck. But then again, they are men. What do they care?

So I went out on this sort-of date last night with this guy. He seemed really cute and really cool at first, but then things went terribly awry. Some of this is going to make me sound incredibly superficial, but just remember that none of this would matter if he was cool enough. Plus, I have busted my ass to be able to support myself and I would expect the same from a man who wants to date me.

Eff Up #1 - We go to this bar. The entire time he was double-fisting a scotch & soda and a beer. Nothing says sexy to me like an alcoholic.

Eff Up #2 - When the bill came, he suddenly vanished into "the can". So I wound up paying for 45 dollars worth of drinks (for 1.5 hours of drinking - I had 3 beers @ 3.00/each). When he got back, he didn't even offer to help out with the bill. Who says chivalry is dead?

Eff Up#3 - He kissed me. Dude, do not come at me tongue first. If I would have had a scissor, you would have been terribly, terribly sorry.

Plus (and here comes the superficial part), he is a 37 year old waiter with no car and no aspirations for the future.

I can't handle it!

So, yeah, I kissed two different boys this weekend. I know. I am a slut. I will probably contract some terrible kissing disease as punishment for it. Bleh.

19 Comments:

Blogger The Grunt said...

Charity work can really suck sometimes. At least you go out and try. It's not your fault that dudes 'round there are unmotivated. Try a Tibeten sherpa. they might not be rich, but hell, they work like mother f#ckers. Like the # saved me from inching further to hell.

8:23 PM  
Blogger heatherfeather said...

you don't need scissors, honey. just bite it off and spit it in his face.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

Hey, if I can go a year without shaving, you can too.
It sounds like you may need to go for quality over quantity. Next weekend try just kissing one marginally good kisser instead of two bad ones.

11:23 PM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

You should not feel bad about rejecting guys without ambition, esp. if they stiff you with their lush-driven bill. Jesus, he sounds like a real winner.

Being honest with him would probably help you out in the end more, since he is wasting your time, and not vice-versa. A 37 year old ambitionless drunk who bums a ride off of you after a date, worth your time? He should be so lucky, Crystal. With all that extra time on his plate (that he serves) he should be able to at the very least kiss right; wow, not even that.

Don't know you all that well yet, but it would be safe to assume that you deserve much better.

Guys like that make me sick.

12:11 AM  
Anonymous kimberly said...

:( sorry your date didn't go so well... maybe the bad ones will all be worth it when you have a REALLY GREAT one to appreciate even more. i dunno? i don't think you're shallow for not liking him for those reasons... he's not your type, fair and square.

i used to not shave my legs on purpose to GUARANTEE that no funny business would occur. have i no self control? guess not... but my legs did!

7:16 AM  
Blogger Scott said...

Without sounding too judgemental that guy sounds like a complete and total loser. that is really rough.

You sound like you had a better weekend than I!!

Scott

7:17 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

kim - i have done that as well to guarantee that i don't get naked. however, it didn't work. my hairy legs were no match for unbridled passion. i think, at that point, neither one of us were concerned about my legs.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

neal, i don't think i could pull of a beard as well as you could.

grunt - effing sherpas rock! and their only about 3.5 feet tall if you know what i mean.

heather - right on. i should have thought of that.

ant - you should kick his ass for me.

scott - wow, your weekend must have sucked.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

crap. i meant they're not their.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Barry said...

Now what is is and why? hahaha!! I think you should have just taken a baseball bat with you...

also don't feel bad about rejecting guys... I think some get a kick out of that.

8:52 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

wait-- have i recommended the book "he's just not that into you" by greg behrendt and liz tuccillo. they were writers for sex and the city... anyway the book is fantastic. it puts a new spin on dating... makes me feel okay to dump guys or not call them back and it also made them not calling me back okay, because really... we just weren't that into each other.

rather than moping around or feeling bad about things not working out or feeling right-- it empowers the person to find what DOES work and feel good.

great book, although when my MOM bought it for me, i was a bit offended.

:)

8:57 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Okay,
Three Knuckle Shuffle=playing stink finger with little suzie. If I elaborate any further it will just get too nasty.

Now, everybody's confused.

BTW, thanks for the support and the gesture. It means a lot.

Now, everbody's really, really confused.

10:49 AM  
Blogger roxie said...

Ugh, that guy sounds painfully familiar. At least you're practicing...keep those skillz fresh!
I have found that when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter which lingerie I'm wearing or how hairy my legs are, if I wanna get physical, let me hear your body talk. Then I just end up embarrassed about my granny panties and hairy legs. Well, I don't actually own any granny panties, I just like to say granny panties.

11:04 AM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

Tell him to bring it.

11:05 AM  
Blogger Bram Davidson said...

I like a woman who is not afraid to not shave ... it goes well with my chest.

2:05 PM  
Blogger Güggs said...

You had a more exciting weekend than I had. Thanks for sharing your mercy work. You should be nominated for some philanthropic award.

4:03 PM  
Blogger markis said...

i've been away from puters for a while, i have to say i missed your journals, you wake up my funnybone, thank you.

6:29 PM  
Blogger Vera said...

crystal,
bury those bad bad feelings. he seems like a bad bad "man".
sherpas are ok... its storing their yeti skin coats that are a stinking mess.
lol @ 3-knuckle shuffle. i heard a comedian refer to that in a more vulgar way, imagine that...
uhmmm... nowhere else to go from there...
run crystal, run far and leave the gilette and matching underoos behind ;)

7:19 PM  
Blogger Ashley said...

if he has no aspirations for the future, it's NOT superficial for you to not like him.

That is the biggest turnoff for me!!!!!

10:42 PM  

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