Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Another email from a friend...

These are actually excerpts from a few different emails, but they crack my shit up, so I thought I'd share in hopes of cracking your shit up too.

"My relationship with my ex was a lot of work. I never once cheated on her, though. Though I did have a lot of sex with strange women when I was with her (and by "strange women" I mean hookers, and by "hookers" I mean cheap whores, and by "cheap whores" I of course mean young, taut, nubile men)."

"I love the fact that you can quote "Poison" at the drop of a hat. I've been blaring that song at home and at work. I am totally on board with your plan of making up a dance routine. Leap frog? F-ck yes there will be leap frog. You think I f-ck around with my dancing? Come on, Crystal, you should know me better than that. Once, I was in a dance-off at my law firm, and this f-cking homeslice fronts on me by dancing without a leap frog. I basically said to him, "Gary, you douchepump. Is that a joke? No leap frog? Seriously? I'm giving you a mulligan on this one. Start over, and at least put in a leap frog. No leap frog insults me; it's too easy for me to win. We don't have time to f-ck around on this one. You know there's a war going on in Iraq, right?"

"When I was a baby, I once had a temporary case of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), and it pretty much kicked me in the balls. I was able to walk it off, though."


Blogger tinyhands said...

So it's your friends that are funny.

1:43 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

yes. i have no sense of humor so i post vicariously through them.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

"Gary, you douchepump" Classic!

I needed that laugh. Thanks, Crystal!

3:54 PM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

I just sent you an email talking about how poor people actually vanish when I use my American Express Centurion card. It's a hoot. Your readers will thank me in 2007.

7:24 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

My shit is cracked alright. Ewww, I think it just broke in two.

7:57 PM  
Blogger Barry said...

Maybe your friend was off the Ritalin when he wrote this - soooo hilarious!

Thanks again for passing on the laughs

1:01 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...


Gettin' kicked in the balls by SIDS is rough!

9:17 AM  

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