Bleh

So I have an addiction. I can’t stop. It’s part of the reason I haven’t blogged in a few days. Another reason is because I have been so stressed out that my spleen has actually grown teeth and is gnawing away at my liver as I type. So feel special that I am posting today dammit. So this addiction…it’s pretty effing pathetic. It’s called Gin Rummy. My friend, Steph, and I cannot get enough. We start playing when we get off of work and don’t stop until one or two in the morning. We sit outside usually so we can cat call any men that happen to walk by. It makes us feel normal even though our hygiene has gone totally downhill and we smell like we are operating a chopped onions factory. Plus, it’s the only possibility we have of meeting actual men. Good freaking luck, right? That’s ok. Because I have decided to take a sabbatical from all things phallic for at least a good week and a half to two weeks.

So Tuesday we were in the middle of the game when the FECKING WIND blew our game all to hell. We decided to go in and when we tried to open the window, we noticed several bees. So Steph and I armed ourselves with flip-flops and started smashing them. One got mad and attacked Stephanie and stung her on the ear. It was probably the funniest thing I have seen all year. I know it hurt and blahblahblah, but damn did I have a good laugh. She started calling people to find out how to make it stop hurting and got the following suggestions:

Kevin: Tylenol and ice
Rafa: No, not Tylenol. Benadryl and Alieve.
Daryl: Put some sperm on it.

Seeing as how we had no sperm lying around, or medicine for that matter, we just resumed our game. Well, yesterday, her ear doubled in size and turned dark purple and her throat got swollen and she has a temperature. I really hope she doesn’t die. That would totally ruin my plans for the weekend.