Friday, May 05, 2006

This Whole Fat Thing

I am not one to talk about my body negatively (aside from blaming every bad experience in my life on my thighs). Not that I am impressed with my body. But why call attention to the love handles and the hail damage? I could understand if I was always, "I'm such a heifer blahblahblah" and someone was to tell me "Then take your fat freaking ass to the gym and quit complaining." However, when Nik came over the other night, not only did she poke me and call me pudgy but she also let me know that she was concerned about my health due to all this weight gain, and that (yay her!) she is now a size 2! I was a little offended. Not about her being a size 2, but I watched her wrap one of my belts around her little body almost twice and it made me want to get out the butter knife and go after my body. Nik has always been tiny. And cute. And blonde. A guy we went to high school with nicknamed her Nuprin - Little, Yellow, Different. I am invisible to the male species when we go out together. And who could blame them? Considering our body to body ratio, I could easily be confused with the Jolly Green Giant - without the green of course. So anyway, the last thing I want to hear before we leave to go out for the night is how fat I am now. Doesn't make a girl feel too good. So I spent an extra 15 minutes tearing my closet apart to find something that didn't make me look so heiffish. We go out, the door guy IDs us and we had this exchange:

Me: I hate being IDed.

Her: I love it. I hope they are still IDing me when I am forty.

Me: Well, they probably will if you still look like a 12 year old boy.

:)

Crystal = 1
Skinny Girls Who Call Me Fat = 0

20 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Girls are poignant like that.

11:24 AM  
Blogger markis said...

good one!

you could also tell her that she's not thin, she's just teeny boned.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

chris - what happened to your face?


markis - hahahahahaha good one.

1:39 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

oh, wait. you are a different chris. in that case, nice phase. :)

1:39 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Same Chris, different face.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Güggs said...

I think that's what you call a much deserved burn.

3:56 PM  
Blogger ekki said...

That is awesome Crystal. Don't try to compare yourself with your anorexic friends.

4:52 PM  
Blogger Logophile said...

Zing!
Well done on behalf of the gals with curves.
Aerodynamically curvaceous, that is me baybay

5:02 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Shit, just do what us guys do, beat the hell out of the cocksuckers if they give you flak. Besides, skinny girls break too easy.

Studies prove that the more educated men prefer women who look like real women and not stick figures.

7:30 PM  
Blogger Vera said...

that is HILARIOUS crystal. my buddy martin and his blokes were out for a night drinking in this pub and martin pointed out a nice looking woman... all his friends are like "oh man, she's fat"... martin said she was so not fat and had some shape to her so he turns to his friends and said "well, you would think she's fat b/c you like dating 12 year old boys!!"
good on ya, crystal!
and being Fat Girl, well... just good on ya ;)

10:19 PM  
Blogger markis said...

grunt, you crack me up dude.

all, yah, it's unanimous, real men like real women.

10:45 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

Your teeny tiny friend is just weeding out the weak-minded men for you when you go out. The real men won't be ensnared by her teeny tiny ways and will seek you out for the beautiful woman you are.

2:27 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

:) crystal, i LOVE it! nice job.

7:31 AM  
Blogger Sir Craig of Highbury said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:18 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Neal - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Yeah right.

vera - is marin single? ;)

6:38 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I think you should get ten points for that comment. Excellent job. Also, no poking. That is not ok.

9:12 AM  
Blogger keda said...

well said,

dahlin as you now know you is gorgeous!

and though we all worry forever. men dont give a monkies! and a bit of wobble is so much sexier than boney hips.

11:48 PM  
Blogger West of the Sun said...

I realize I'm a little late on reading this (Markis through Grunt recommended I visit). That last bit made me laugh out loud though.

Which is good, except that I'm at work. =)

2:29 PM  
Blogger Eccentric Cycles said...

She's just jealous because she doesn't have beautiful curves like this.

9:11 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

EC - ha. unfortunately, i no longer do either. that pic was taken when i was 20 pounds lighter. oh, the golden days...

6:56 AM  

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