Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Dating Tips for Men (#2)

Tip #2 Get. A. Job.
Money isn’t everything, but it sure helps. I am not asking for a guy to make more money than me and get my hair and nails did. I am not asking for a boob lift or a 1976 Corvette Stingray Convertible (black with ivory leather seats and 20” chrome rims, please). I am not asking a man to pay for every date, even.

Just take care of your shit, man.

That’s all I ask. I don’t want to come home to you sitting in your underwear, eating canned cheese playing Xbox and asking me for $20 so you can meet up with your friends for $2 lap dances at the but-nekkid club. I am not your mommy. I will not pay your bills. And you had better come up with more than $2 if you want to see me sling my naked ass around a pole.

Don’t disappear to the bathroom when the bill comes.
Don’t say we can’t go out because you don’t have gas money.
Don’t “forget” your wallet at every dinner and when the street vendor asks if you want to buy a rose, ask me if I want one. Don’t call the guy a loser and roll up your window. At least he has a job. Maybe I should date him.

Now, if you don’t have money because you are taking care of a child or an ailing parent, you get a reprieve. Your incredibly large heart makes up for your incredibly empty bank account. Other exceptions include studying for your Bar Exam, early retirement and winning the lottery.

These exceptions do not include laziness, hookers or your addiction to porn.

4 Comments:

Blogger The Grunt said...

You were thinking of me, weren't you? Nice. I'll have lots of time to make money. You only get a limited amount of time with certain other things.

11:27 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

It is the important difference between having some money and being a mooch. no one likes a freeloader.

11:58 AM  
Blogger ekki said...

So true. No more mommy to any more men.

7:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mommy??? dear God. I was boning my son.

11:42 AM  

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