Tuesday, September 05, 2006

I Am A Noodle

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing she hasn't heard twice before.

Neal thinks I should go to the Walmarts and buy the right kind of motor-oil this time!

By the way, I think domestic violence sucks.

I woke up during the surgery. I did. The doctor and the anesthesiologist were BSing about their kids while I tried to moan loud enough for them to know that, yes, I was indeed awake, and could you please squirt some more of that nice juice into my arm? thanks. Then this came out of my mouth "Cut that shit off doc!"

Dr.: Yes ma'am

Me: ......I'm sorry I said shit.

I felt him stitching up my eyes - felt like he was cutting my eyelashes off and I became terribly concerned about that, but I guess the lady had already upped my juice after my little outburst and I was unable to explain to him that hey, buddy, eyelashes don't grow back and I'd like to keep those.

He finished up and while I was getting tape ripped off my face, I had an epiphany and proudly announced, "I am a noodle!"

And....this is why I never did drugs in college.


Blogger Neal said...

Taken out of context, my comment doesn't make much sense.
You know, now it just looks like you are starting a new fashion trend by putting your makeup on upside down.

5:08 PM  
Blogger heatherfeather said...

but seriously?

you are such a noodle.

don't do drugs, kids. life is weird enough on its own without making it weirder on purpose.

11:35 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Combine a little bit of both and you have Pot Noodle.

12:23 AM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

Just be thankful he didn't sew up a towel inside of you.

9:29 PM  

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