Monday, September 25, 2006

Jeff's Dog

Facts about Penny:
Penny has 9 teats. Once, when we were out, I told Jeff that I tried spooning her but that her 25 teats got in the way. He told me she certainly did not have 25 teats and so we counted when we got back to his house. I think Penny is supposed to have only 8 teats. Jeff says that the 9th teat must be The Magic Teat. However, I have not seen it do anything spectacular or unteat-like so I am going to call bullshit on that.
Penny doesn’t like me. Oh, sure, Penny will sit in my lap or lick my face. She will sit for me and approach me for pets. However, she only misbehaves when I am with Jeff or on the phone with Jeff. She pees on his shoes and his sheets and in his shop. She tore up his mattress. She tried to run away. Perhaps Penny is jealous of my teats. I don’t know why. None of mine have magic powers – unless you count that one time that I shot a laser beam from a teat and killed a would-be assassin in Central Park. I burned a hole in my two-tone polyester blouse, but it was worth it.


Anonymous vera said...

Boxer X Lab?
Pitbull X Boxer?
Pitbull X Lab?


12:00 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I need to show you pics of my old dog Thor. Very similar to this dog. Thor was a great dane/boxer mix. Best freaking dog ever. He could jump up onto my bunk bed with no effort. When we moved up to the hills he ran off for two weeks and came back stinking of skunk, covered in blood and porcupine needles. He was overjoyed to see me, as was I him.

12:10 PM  
Blogger jules said...

What the hell were you doing wearing polyester in the first place?

2:42 PM  
Blogger NiolK said...

Suck the magic teat. At the very least one would hope that you'd get majorly stoned.

9:22 AM  

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