Jeff's Dog

Penny

Facts about Penny:

Penny has 9 teats. Once, when we were out, I told Jeff that I tried spooning her but that her 25 teats got in the way. He told me she certainly did not have 25 teats and so we counted when we got back to his house. I think Penny is supposed to have only 8 teats. Jeff says that the 9th teat must be The Magic Teat. However, I have not seen it do anything spectacular or unteat-like so I am going to call bullshit on that.

Penny doesn’t like me. Oh, sure, Penny will sit in my lap or lick my face. She will sit for me and approach me for pets. However, she only misbehaves when I am with Jeff or on the phone with Jeff. She pees on his shoes and his sheets and in his shop. She tore up his mattress. She tried to run away. Perhaps Penny is jealous of my teats. I don’t know why. None of mine have magic powers – unless you count that one time that I shot a laser beam from a teat and killed a would-be assassin in Central Park. I burned a hole in my two-tone polyester blouse, but it was worth it.