Monday, November 20, 2006

he showed me his squirrel skull

I peed the bed. I threw up in the tent and I am starting to experience nasal voice which is a sure sign of Polio. I flipped the boat and ran the 4-wheeler into a tree. I accidentally pushed the grandmother-lady into the fire and she burnt her fake leg, which cost $2000. Is that what fake legs are going for nowadays?

I’m just kidding. Nothing bad happened. At all. I had a spectacular weekend. We slept inside the house. My boy and I scored a king size bed. Dallas is beautiful this time of year! The weather was pefect! The guys built a huge bonfire next to the lake and everyone drank wine. My new favorite drink is Captain Morgan and Sprite – tastes exactly like Cream Soda. There was a meteor shower. We kyaked and 4-wheeled. The people were all wonderful. The couple who owned the house were awesome - Dick and Cathy. The guys had a $1 bet to see who could say “Dick” the most. We ate sausage and waffles and cheese. We watched a miniature pincher do the sex to a miniature schnauzer who was wearing an I’m-In-Heat-Don’t-Touch-Me diaper. We shot a BB gun – well, they did. I didn’t shoot it because I knew I’d take someone out because I am careless and clumsy.

I had a great time. I didn’t throw up on anyone or pee on my socks. I didn’t say anything too inappropriate.

How was YOUR weekend?


Blogger biffm said...

Captain & Ginger is the way I go. They aren't just for Gilligan's Island anymore...

12:49 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Now, that sounds like a great weekend. I am glad you went.

Mine involved tall tales, a horse race track, and a country western bar in west virginia--- not my normal Saturday night. That's for sure.

1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Busy weekend. Lots of nieces.

Your weekend kicked ass. How often do you get Miniature-On-Miniature Action?

1:41 PM  
Blogger heatherfeather said...

...i told him i locked myself out of my car.

2:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you had such a great weekend.

3:29 AM  
Blogger ekki said...

Dallas?? Where were you at Possum Kingdom?

3:49 PM  
Blogger becca said...

try captain + amaretto + ginger ale. it's totally creme-soda like, or so swear my raging alcoholics.

5:59 PM  

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