Monday, January 29, 2007


I moved on Friday. My movers were three hours late. It took them 4 hours to move me (when it only should have taken 2) because they decided to spend much of the time sitting on their asses or discussing how the roundness of my ass was SO DISTRACTING that they couldn’t concentrate on moving my shit.

1. What makes people think that type of behavior is ok?? So I said, “Look, jackass, talk to me like that again and I will strap this “heavy ass bitch” (the term of endearment they coined for my couch) to your ween and throw it off the third floor balcony. So shut the fuck up and do your job and quit calling my things ‘bitches’ before I get angry.” Only it came out like this: “Hey, come on now, don’t be disrespectful.” I wish I could have said the former, but they were moving my stuff so I had to keep a cool head.

Then Steph showed up and luckily she got the brunt of harassment after that. “Damn, girl, I cain’t concentrate. I love me some blondes. You looks good. My wife used to have blonde hair but then the fucking bitch dyed it and pissed me off.”

The smarmy, married one asked me for my number.

The lazy one found me on myspace and messaged me yesterday.

Kevin, Steph and I went to go eat sushi at 10:00pm when the movers finally left. Kevin got on me for not having a guy there. I am usually all about doing things by myself, but he’s right. It felt really good that he was concerned about my safety. Not too many people are. Although, my dad did call halfway through the move to see if I’d gotten raped yet.


Blogger Bram Davidson said...

sounds like your dad cares. my dad has never asked me if i have been raped yet.

10:10 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Shit, my dad once told me if I were being raped to lay back and enjoy it. Thanks dad! Now I will make sure I never go to prison.

Seriously, movers are required to sexually harass their clients and then jerk off on their sofa when the owner isn't looking.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Umm-- I hope you like your new place more than the people who moved you in. In the words of Stephanie Tanner, How Rude!!

1:07 PM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

You should have spent the extra $200 for gay movers. Not only will they leave your ass and boobs alone, they have an uncanny ability to get the biggest things into the smallest of openings.

1:57 PM  
Blogger ekki said...

haha blog portland.

7:58 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

this is why i'm not allowed out in public. i've been known for...well, a slight temper.

disrepect a gal in my presence and you will be fed your testicles.

but hey.. um.. you got moved... and you have some great memories. (yesh, i said memories, not mammories)

be well, hope yer place suits you.


8:19 PM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

How lazy can he be if he found you on MySpace?

That shows me initiative!

.....or the ability to read your blogroll and find you through Steph like I did.

Which....I guess,was kinda lazy of me.


6:01 AM  
Blogger Neal said...

You may want to check that they didn't steal or otherwise sully your undergarments.

7:01 AM  
Blogger jay are said...

and the worst part is---they know where you live. Ugh. Hope you like your new place.

8:40 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Did you find these "movers" hanging out in front of Wal-Mart? What the hell?

11:44 AM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

You always get the apes coming after you, Crystal. Congrats on the new place, by the way.

11:25 PM  

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