Thursday, January 04, 2007


There is a guy at work who stares at me constantly. I don’t see him on a regular basis – especially since I moved buildings. He’s tall and has gray hair and glasses – probably old enough to be my father. When he looks at me, the hair on the back of my neck stands up and I have to force myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other instead of running the opposite direction screaming and leaving a pee-trail behind me. I don’t recall him ever speaking to me. Yesterday, I received 9 emails from him – at least, I think it’s him. None of them are business related. Thankfully, in email #2, he gave me the opportunity to tell him I have a boyfriend – by asking me where my husband and I are from. Through Lotus Notes, employees may Instant Message each other. Today he started IMing me. I told him I was having trouble placing him (I still wasn’t sure if this was creepy older guy or not) and he said I directed him to someone’s office once. That’s not memorable to me because everyone always thinks that I am the admin. Still, I couldn’t have spent more than 30 seconds with the guy. I’m getting creeped out. I am incredibly short with all of my responses. You would think he’d get the hint but nooooooo.

Why does this always have to happen to me? I could understand if I was schmoozing the guy on the elevator, but I’ve hardly spoken to him! I’m tired of it! Why can’t some cute guy my own age decide to email me 9 times? I always wind up with these Nutbags/Russians/Guys Who Think I Want To See Their Junk who don’t care that I have a boyfriend/am not interested/would rather shoot myself in the eyeball with a bbgun repeatedly than talk to. I feel like I need to blog about it because I have seen way too many episodes of Unsolved Mysteries and I know that I could be taken at any moment and nobody would know where to find my body. This is a good start. Oh, and for the investigators who are going through my computer, all the talk of drug use here is COMPLETELY FICTICIOUS.


Blogger goldennib said...

It's time to delete the messages without opening and/or not responding at all. Creeps don't get hints, they feed on them.

5:03 PM  
Blogger danielle said...

ugh, this has happened to me too. and WTF is right. it's never a hot hot man. it's always a little guy who wieghs 100lbs or a a dinosaur who gives you bad chills. you're not alone.

i agree. just delete the emails and ignore the IMs. my luck has never been THAT good.

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not always crazy russians or ugly fat people. You did have some hot priest from North America write you ;)


8:20 PM  
Blogger Chief Scientist said...

Uh-oh. I am kinda old too. Is it creepy that I made this picture my screensaver?

10:56 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

You need the A-Team, Chica. Serious.

11:34 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Wait. Are you trying to tell me that you don't want to see my junk?

1:46 AM  
Blogger Kieran said...

Have you tried the short - "Fuck off, twat" approach yet. That's an effecitive kind of shortness.

2:55 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Don't worry, you're not even missing and I'm sure their are plenty of people lookng for your body.

Start talking about marriage, kids and possibly moving to Argentina by the end of the year. If that doesn't!!

5:21 AM  
Blogger Curly said...

I'm with Kieran on that one, simple and effective.

5:36 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

nib - i agree, but my co-worker thinks i should not ignore it - that it will just get worse; that i need to tell him to fuck off. in a professional way, of course.

danielle - i have hot guys emailing me, but they are in utah or wales or have dedicated their life to God. so i am back where i started - wtf.

HB - i have a feeling his genitals would burst into flames if he got 5 feet from me. ;)

scientist - you're not that old. however, i think some of the girls you post on your blog could get you sent to the penn for 5-10.

grunt - i certainly do. except the old guy would probably hit on me.

chris - duh. i always want to see your junk. cut a hole in the box.

kieran and curly - that may turn him on. did you ever think about that? huh? guys love being talked to dirty too. maybe if i said it while inserting my foot into his ass. no. bad idea. then my foot would smell like ass.

jerk - i don't run. i am a goddamn delicate flower.

6:39 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Yes Princess....yes you are.

10:53 AM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

Just tell him that your were born with male and femlae genitalia, and how hot it is that he's OK with it. If he sticks around after that, it's safe to assume he's just lonely and wants a friend.

12:35 PM  
Blogger Celeste said...

Have you tried just not responding, see if he gets the hint when you ignore him?

10:28 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Sometimes kooks feed on any kind of attention.

2:32 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Happy Birthday, Crystal!!!

1:13 AM  
Blogger SarahReznor said...

It’s not just you – all the geeky creepy overweight start wars convention weirdoes always talk to me and try to flirt with me. At least I think that’s flirting, it might be gas. And I’m really scary! And my husband is even scarier!!! But I like Blog Portland’s idea :)

6:44 AM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

Hey -- happy birthday!

MySpace told me you had aged another year, but failed to clue me in on what I should get you. That leaves me to assume you are above the idea of material gifts, and my well wishes alone will more than suffice.

10:54 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Happy Birthday. May this coming year be kook-free.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Personally, I would just say to him that you find his attentions unwelcome, and if he doesnt immediately stop harassing you, you will be filing a complaint with his supervisor AND the police.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Jege (Jen) said...

Oh, and save all of the emails for evidence. I'm serious.

12:17 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I will lay off the IM's then. You don't have to make a federal case about it.

6:44 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

portland - what's hotter than having both male and female genitalia? having boobies too.

celeste - i stopped responding and he showed up in my office today. kind of strange considering my new office number isn't listed. the only way he'd be able to find me is walking every floor. i am on 6.

nib - i saw him in the hall today. i thought he was going to follow me into the bathroom. do you think he'd feed off of me kicking his balls so hard that it took them another 13 years to drop?

grunt - why, thank you!!

sarah - i get those too. especially the married ones. those are the worst too, because usually they are so sweet, you wind up listening them talk about vulcan culture for three hours.

portland - i would like a shower curtain and some crisco please.

nib - i hope it is! thanks!

jege - i think i am going to have the whole, 'unless there is a business purpose for this conv./email/IM/boobieogle, please stop contacting me'. and i did save everything. i know how to screw people, believe you me!

thomas - so when are you sending me your junk so i can photograph it and post it online?

2:32 PM  
Blogger Carly said...

You know, Sametime has a feature where you can prevent specific people from seeing that you're online. That would be the first thing I'd do. But tell your boss too.

If you work with Danielle, I work there too and I can help you with that. (I'm not a new stalker, don't worry!!)

2:13 PM  

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