Monday, April 09, 2007

I am way too immature for this…

I am 28 years old and I have the maturity of a 14 year old boy. When am I going to grow up and stop giggling uncontrollably when I hear words like “Ballcock” or walk by R. Woodhead’s office?? I can’t not exclaim “heh. heh. He said do it.” Over time, it has become increasingly hard for me to hold my shit together and I bust out laughing at incredibly inappropriate times.

1. My great-grandfather’s funeral. Every time my great-grandmother stood up, her dress was caught between her buttcheeks. My aunt made a comment about how incredibly hungry my great-grandmother’s rear-end appeared and I lost it. I couldn’t help it. Shut up. You would have laughed too.

2. At my old job, I was in charge of purchasing golf balls for the company. This hot vendor would come to my office and ask me to feel the dimples in his balls. One time, we even turned off the lights and played with his balls (that glowed) in the dark. We would speak of his balls quite candidly. On the phone, it was easier for me to stifle my giggles. However, his office visits were among my most feared and most favorite experiences of that job.

3. Saturday night, the boy had suite tickets to the Astros game that he scored through his company. I had to behave since I was around his boss and clients so I did my best to smile and chat and not see many hotdogs I could shove into my mouth at once. The boy asked his boss how his surgery’d gone the week before. To which his boss responded, “Well, I had something called a fistula which is …something something…colon.” Doh! There goes a little of my composure. I held the beer up to my lips as if I was taking a long sip. I should have known it was coming and excused myself after I heard colon. “It’s a little..something something…about an inch from my anus.” Beer shot through my nose and back into my cup and I acted as though I’d coughed. I excused myself at that moment and went to ogle the hotdogs.

When will I grow up???

7 Comments:

Blogger The Grunt said...

Don't change, baby.

4:13 PM  
Anonymous slug said...

It wasn't clear but you didn't say whether golf ball guy was intentionally trying to crack you up. Although that is irrelevant because he was. You may not have even known but all men are like 14 year old boys so we giggle at the same shit.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Ch@rl0tt€ said...

I can so sympathize. What's worse is that I work for a religious organization so I really look like a pervert when I get the giggles. :(

6:27 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

You think YOU'RE immature... I can't seem to go a day without tacking on the phrase "that's what SHE said" to something someone else says.

"The system won't accept my entry."

"that's what SHE said

"Fill 'er up with premium"

"Yeah, that's what SHE said

"You're under arrest."

"Heh, that's what your MOM said!"

I guess we both need to grow up. Oh, and one of us needs bail money, too.

7:35 AM  
Blogger CruiserMel said...

I LOVE those kind of giggles; the inappropriate ones. Love them, love them, love them! Keep giggling. I think it's supposed to be good for ya.

7:51 PM  
Blogger Sean said...

posts like these are why i love you. hah. thanks! my word verification for this post? "fuxfew" no lie.

8:43 PM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Oh my god I hope never. I've got quite a few years on you, and you've seen my blog, so you know it can be done.

8:08 PM  

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