Friday, April 13, 2007

Ring Ring Ring, Quiet Y'all

A couple of things:

1. If you are going to be two hours late and then decide you don’t want to hang out at all, call me or at least send me a text. I have better things to do than sit around and wait for you …like take off all my clothes and chase the dog around the house with a jar of peanut butter.


I can’t wait to get a dog.

2. Do. Not. Ever. call me ‘sweetheart’. If I ask you a legitimate question, give me the benefit of the doubt that I am not totally retarded and don’t be condescending. Maybe you think you are sugarcoating the fact that you think I am a total idiot, but I can assure you that I can finish a New York Times crossword puzzle in pen while reciting the first chapter of War and Peace and masturbating to pictures of Dick Van Dyke & Jared Leto wearing Speedos and covered in cottage cheese. AND! I can spell. So suck on that, sweetheart.

I am a little irritated today, no? I have rolled my eyes so many times that I can give you a complete map of my frontal lobe.


Blogger Clearlykels said...

here here. seriously people. I've been called "hun" three times today.

10:49 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

how about a smile, pussycat?

11:22 AM  
Blogger Anathema said...

1. You left this one kind of hanging. What happens with the peanut butter when you catch the dog?

2. I hate it too when people call me sweetheart, mostly because I'm a male and it attacks my machismo.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

I was right there with you until you got to the cottage cheese.

8:04 PM  
Blogger minijonb said...

Dogs > Men

... wait, is it:

Dogs = Men

:sigh: i'm so confused.

8:15 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

oh crystal. you really DO need a vacation and some booze!

1:42 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

If I can't call you sweetheart, can I just leave you death threat instead? Would that be ok? Sweetheart? hehehe.

4:28 PM  
Anonymous Cash said...

Old women and waitresses are exempt from my 'sweetheart' restriction.

But guys? Yeah, they can't do that, I don't care how bad my spelling is.

12:20 PM  
Blogger CruiserMel said...

Yikes - I HATE it when a complete stranger calls me "honey" or "sweetie". Hate hate hate! I've been known to flat out lie to salesmen who come in the office to cold-call on my boss. If they call me honey, I'm well-versed on saying "No, I'm afraid he ISN'T here today. And no, I don't have any idea when he will show up. Thanks. See ya."

I'm so on board with your comment, crystal.

4:02 PM  
Blogger Barry said...

Some folks just don't get it...

9:19 AM  
Anonymous denise d said...

I have a dog you can have, sweetheart :-)

1:24 PM  

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