Ring Ring Ring, Quiet Y'all
A couple of things:
1. If you are going to be two hours late and then decide you don’t want to hang out at all, call me or at least send me a text. I have better things to do than sit around and wait for you …like take off all my clothes and chase the dog around the house with a jar of peanut butter.
sigh….
I can’t wait to get a dog.
2. Do. Not. Ever. call me ‘sweetheart’. If I ask you a legitimate question, give me the benefit of the doubt that I am not totally retarded and don’t be condescending. Maybe you think you are sugarcoating the fact that you think I am a total idiot, but I can assure you that I can finish a New York Times crossword puzzle in pen while reciting the first chapter of War and Peace and masturbating to pictures of Dick Van Dyke & Jared Leto wearing Speedos and covered in cottage cheese. AND! I can spell. So suck on that, sweetheart.
I am a little irritated today, no? I have rolled my eyes so many times that I can give you a complete map of my frontal lobe.
1. If you are going to be two hours late and then decide you don’t want to hang out at all, call me or at least send me a text. I have better things to do than sit around and wait for you …like take off all my clothes and chase the dog around the house with a jar of peanut butter.
sigh….
I can’t wait to get a dog.
2. Do. Not. Ever. call me ‘sweetheart’. If I ask you a legitimate question, give me the benefit of the doubt that I am not totally retarded and don’t be condescending. Maybe you think you are sugarcoating the fact that you think I am a total idiot, but I can assure you that I can finish a New York Times crossword puzzle in pen while reciting the first chapter of War and Peace and masturbating to pictures of Dick Van Dyke & Jared Leto wearing Speedos and covered in cottage cheese. AND! I can spell. So suck on that, sweetheart.
I am a little irritated today, no? I have rolled my eyes so many times that I can give you a complete map of my frontal lobe.
posted by Crystal at 7:47 AM
11 Comments:
here here. seriously people. I've been called "hun" three times today.
how about a smile, pussycat?
;-)
1. You left this one kind of hanging. What happens with the peanut butter when you catch the dog?
2. I hate it too when people call me sweetheart, mostly because I'm a male and it attacks my machismo.
I was right there with you until you got to the cottage cheese.
Dogs > Men
... wait, is it:
Dogs = Men
:sigh: i'm so confused.
oh crystal. you really DO need a vacation and some booze!
If I can't call you sweetheart, can I just leave you death threat instead? Would that be ok? Sweetheart? hehehe.
Old women and waitresses are exempt from my 'sweetheart' restriction.
But guys? Yeah, they can't do that, I don't care how bad my spelling is.
Yikes - I HATE it when a complete stranger calls me "honey" or "sweetie". Hate hate hate! I've been known to flat out lie to salesmen who come in the office to cold-call on my boss. If they call me honey, I'm well-versed on saying "No, I'm afraid he ISN'T here today. And no, I don't have any idea when he will show up. Thanks. See ya."
I'm so on board with your comment, crystal.
Some folks just don't get it...
I have a dog you can have, sweetheart :-)
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