Monday, April 16, 2007

So it was a bad note

I got my first hate mail recently. April 5th to be exact. Well, I have had hate mail in the past, but I usually just giggle uncontrollably and brainstorm other ways I can add to people’s misery. This hate mail was different. At first, I thought I was having a myocardial infarction. What is this strange feeling I have never felt before?? Then I realized that this was no medical issue; it was guilt tugging at my heart. I had indeed, although unintentionally, caused someone a huge inconvenience - so much of one that they went through the trouble of finding a piece of paper to stick on my windshield and scribbled a few nasty words. Plus, given the circumstances and the handwriting, the author was most likely a hippie. I could also smell sweet patchouli and incense emanating from the paper and my guilt turned to sorrow for I had angered someone whose complete purpose in life is to spread love and little necklaces made out of hemp and those little white seashell thingies. Sad. Or it could have been from one of those acid trip kids who uses the patchouli to hide the fact that he hasn’t washed his ass in three weeks.

Regardless of the type of person I’d affected, I knew I still messed up. I unintentionally parked too closely to someone else’s car and they couldn’t enter through the driver’s side. [Get a bike, hippie!] My note said something to the effect of what an inconsiderate jerk I am and how he/she couldn’t get into his/her car and so on and so forth.

I tucked the note into my console and thought long and hard and told myself that I suck and shook my finger at myself and called myself ‘missy’ a couple of times as in, ‘Just who do you think you are, Missy?’ as it occurred to me that, ‘holy crap! I am one of those asshole drivers!’

I went home and posted a Missed Connection on apologizing for my inconsiderate jerkiness. I never heard back from the angered ink slinger, but I felt bad for inconveniencing them and making them late for the drum circle. I actually got some emails from people who’d stumbled upon my ad and responded, like this one:

It wasnt me who left the note. In fact, I wasn’t even
there. However, simply based on your apology, I could
kiss you for response necessary, I just
wanted to tell you, no matter what you actually look
like, that you are a beautiful and extremely
attractive human being.

Jaysus, and this guy hasn’t even seen my ass!

Anyway, even though my post didn't get to the person it was intended for, I feel like I've redeemed apart of myself for pissing someone off. Especially a hippie.


Blogger The Grunt said...

Do hippies still count for ten points in a death race?

10:01 AM  
Blogger Anathema said...

CL is like a one of those meat market clubs except there's no music, no one is dancing, drinks are cheaper, and you don't have to deal with all the young guys wearing too much cologne.

2:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice ... rear.. ;)


3:52 PM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

I let the rental car co talk me into a Chevy Silverado Extended Cab this wk -- it's a monster. I keep running over homeless people on the streetcorners because it corners like a freaking big rig.
Yesterday I came out of the grocery store and realized the back was hanging out across someone else's parking place -- no way they could have left if they'd come out before me.
But they didn't. Come out before me, that is. So basically this story has no point, except that I, too, have sinned in parking. Which makes us kind of pals, in a way. Can I borrow five bucks?

4:51 PM  
Anonymous slug said...

If they went to the trouble of leaving you a note, then what a sad, pathetic life they must have. It happens to everyone and most of us are probably guilty of it even though we are unaware of our horrible sin.

Normal people just cuss at them under their breath and drive away. Obviously they weren't too inconvenienced if they were able to drive away before you got back.

You did nothing wrong.

6:32 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

There is a special place in hell, nay, a special hell altogether for people who inconvenience hippies.

11:56 PM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

How funny. I never read 'missed connections' and yet was browsing it Sunday afternoon. I saw your apology and remember thinking nothing in particular.

True story.

6:17 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Next time, park ON the hippie. Useless bastards. Don't get me started.

9:08 AM  
Anonymous bronxbt said...

well hell, i didn't even need to see the pic to know and agree about the hours of kissing thingee...


that sucks you got the note, but damned cooh of you to post a random apology.

for what it's worth,most hippies can't use keyboards or mice, so it's likely fallen on deaf ears.



9:52 AM  
Blogger jay are said...

I know this is a serious and important matter but I can't stop giggling at the thought of you giving yourself a good talking to...good job.

3:20 PM  
Blogger ekki said...

You are a sweetheart. BTW, I looked for that pic of you that you asked for and I can't find it. I just wanted to tell you that I am not a complete slacker.

8:24 PM  
Anonymous Barney Poolboy Pickle said...

I really like your ass.....cute and touchable...

6:07 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

See how life works? You can be a totally inconsiderate prick, but if you have a nice ass and/or rack all will fight to lick whipped cream from it. Clearly, I need a nicer ass. Missy. hehe.

12:06 PM  
Blogger kari said...

the smell of patchouli alone makes me angry as f**k. seriously, you are so much a better person than i.

1:33 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

You are showing off your ass again. Do you realize that the great "Ass Off 2006" started a year ago this Saturday. You can brag about having the ass that launched a thousand ass comments. Seriously, remember how many asses were joined in solidarity?

11:52 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home