Thursday, May 17, 2007

Freak of Nature

As I have mentioned before, I was practically transparent before I started tanning. Since I don't want to look like this, I take extra precautions when it comes to damaging the hell out of my skin. For example, I have a complete line of moisture therapy that includes 2 oils, 4 different lotions and copious amounts of saliva from baby kitties that I am incessantly rubbing over every inch of my body. I also cover my face during the whole process to prevent my freckles from actually overcoming my face, jumping off my body and rioting in the streets of downtown Houston. I didn't realize that doing that would make me look like my head was used in some weird transplant for a person of another race. This is me walking down the isle with the proportionately colored best man. Life is so unfair.

9 Comments:

Anonymous denise d said...

Ya got a cute nose! :-D

3:39 PM  
Blogger j-me said...

shut up...that's just your makeup!! i mean, riiiight???

4:12 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

That first picture looked like some sort of melting chocolate easter bunny.

6:41 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I'm sorry, what's wrong with you again? Well, I mean, apart from the ray of light that appears to be shining from the bridge of your nose...

7:02 AM  
Blogger Sean said...

i just had a big discussion about this. i didn't really WANT the discussion but it's hard to get a word in edgewise sometimes. so apparently people who don't get a dark tan for whatever reason generally buy the wrong makeup and it photographs poorly making them look like a ghost. most of the over the counter stuff is light reflective? or some such. and there's more expensive makeups available specifically for stuff like this that absorb instead of reflect and make people look more... like they have a pulse?

8:19 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

You look very cute. I recognize some people in the pews.

8:53 AM  
Anonymous Cash said...

Can I call you "Lilith" from now on?

If Diamanda Galas ever stops returning my calls, you are next in line.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

That tan woman pic disgusts me, but god help me, I can't help wondering what it feels like when you touch it.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

denise - you told me you were comparing me to the lady below. my nose might actually morph into that when i get older. you never knows with noses.

j-me - that is my FACE! crazy, huh?

neal - did you want to eat it? head first right?

chris - my boogers are heavenly.

sean - are you gay? :) thanks for the suggestion!! :D

nib - their heads all look huge in that picture. i don't remember any of those people. i do remember jack though.

cash - you make me feel so special.

johnny - to get the full affect, you must coat her in crisco and use sensitive parts to touch her, like your tongue and the tip of your nose.

9:03 AM  

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