Wednesday, June 13, 2007

8 Random Things

Bryan tagged me because he thinks I am crazy. BoogleyBoogley!

1. I have a new boss. He is my age, maybe even a bit younger. I like him. Today, he moved into the office across the hall from me and I swear I overheard him use the word “yuppers” so the previous sentence may need to be edited.

2. As soon as I was able to get my arms over my head, I was taking off dresses. I wore boys’ underwear until I was about 10 years old. I saran-wrapped my boobies before putting them into the dreaded sparkly unitard for twirling class. I’ve never been very girly. While at the wedding, I was the only bridesmaid who ran around the house desperately trying to convince other girls to stop what they were doing and OMG FIX MY HAIR! OMG! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SPONGEY THING FOR? OMG! IS THE CLEAR STUFF SUPPOSED TO GO ON MY EYES OR MY LIPS?? So, being the lovely ladies that they are, they helped me to not look like a complete asswound for the wedding. We got French pedicures and my fugly feet suddenly turned into beautiful, confident beings. I swear if they could take off their glasses and shake their hair, they would. I couldn’t quit staring at them. “Hey. Everybody! Look at my feet!” which was generally followed by an irritated sigh and “We know, Crystal. All of our feet look like that.” When I got back to Houston, I vowed to be more girly. So I started getting my nails done and I bought a skirt. This girly crap is hard. And expensive.

3. I have the best therapist in the world. Did you know that I am so special on the inside that I do not need abs of steel and hair of cornsilk? Did you know that? No you didn’t.

4. My favorite thing that came out of the Borat movie was the rubber fist and the term “wizard sleeve”.

5. There is a guy that I work with and I am trying to determine his sexual preference. It shouldn’t matter to me and it doesn’t, but a game of Gay or Straight? is certainly a fun way to distract myself from work. These are the only things I have to go on: Part of me says no because he is really into church. Part of me says yes because his socks always match his pants. Always and exactly.


Gay.

6. So I was totally laughing my ass off at this picture right here just the other day. What a dumbass, I thought. I just got back from the ladies room. Apparently I, too, need instructions on the right way to wear panties. So I run into a delimma. Do I switch them around so the crotch is no longer on my hip? But that would require me getting naked at work. So I am sitting here...with my crotch on my hip and now that I know they are not on correctly, they have suddenly become uncomfortable. I am also praying I don't get in a wreck on the way home. That would totally ruin my chances with the cute doctors.

7. My boyfriend thinks that guys who wear flip flops with jeans are total D-Bags. Guys that wear button down shirts with the sleeves rolled up and the tail halfway tucked in also belong to the D-Bag group. Funny how I never caught on that I was dating Mr. High Fashion. Also funny because that was the entire wardrobe for my last boyfriend. And he turned out to be a D-bag so maybe he’s got a point.

8. I hate memes and if anyone else tags me to do another one, I will find out where you live and make you watch 52 episodes of the Golden Girls while I try on several outfits to see if you think my butt looks big in any of them. and then we will discuss my "flow" over tea.

17 Comments:

Blogger Kimberly said...

okay #1- doug totally wears jeans and flip flops. but hell, i'm just glad i finally got the boy into good jeans.

#2- i LIKE the golden girls. blanch is my hero.

yeppers!

:)

2:34 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

kim - i have criticized male "fashion" for a long time. I had never heard the jeans and flip flops thing either. personally, i think it is kind of cute. and hell knows i am definitely an offender! he says it doesn't count for chicks. thank God.

2:45 PM  
Anonymous vera said...

i love the golden girls...

7:03 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Your boyfriend is 100-percent on target about guys wearing flipflops: "Ooh, look how pretentious I am with my jeans and flipflops." I always want to run at them with sharp objects (like one of those jousting poles) because you know that they can't escape, due to their poor choice of footwear.

2:25 AM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

Women shouldn't wear them either, especially the ones whose feet are so big & fat that they're spilling over the sides of the flipflop, dragging on the ground like some sort of pedi-neanderthal.

7:20 AM  
Blogger j-me said...

Your post reminded me of this http://www.phat5.com/features.asp?StoryID=239&SectionID=11. Then while i was trying to find it, i ran across this http://anil.vox.com/library/post/the-douchebag-uniform.html, thus making Ryan completely accurate.

8:00 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

I am glad I never ever tagged you. Sheesh.

8:28 AM  
Anonymous denise d said...

I believe he said "insane" and Not "crazy"

He would be correct... :-P

10:31 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Ok-- every guy I know rocks the jeans with flip flops & long sleeve button up shirt with rolled up sleeve or a polo. That is how we roll here. Also, the flip flops are almost always brown leather. It is a look, one that I really enjoy.

10:38 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

vera - so does my best friend. i don't understand it really. when i watch it, my home fills with smells of lipstick and mothballs. can't handle it.

chris - you are a freaking genius. perhaps knowing it makes them harder to take down will make him feel sorry for them. but only for a second, but then he will help you with the jousting.

hands - lmao pedi-neandrathal lmao you are one of the funniest people i know.

j-me - that is hilarious!! there is a guy on my floor that pimps a striped shirt from express men almost every single day. douchebag uniform! yay!

nib - i am relentless when people tag me, no?

denise - takes one to know one! :P

kels - i kinda dig the flip flop jeans thing. i didn't know that was ever an issue with anyone. and as long as the shirt isn't starched, i don't see what the big deal is. i am as taken aback as you are, believe me.

11:26 AM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

Hi, Crystal, it looks like you're doing well. I got accepted into SFSU for my master's. I am very excited.

By the way, I think guys wearing flip-flops at all are D-bags.

5:44 PM  
Blogger Kylee said...

Your so funny...Thanks for sharing

10:09 PM  
Anonymous Christie said...

I love your site! My hubby (Blog Portland) got me hooked on it and now I read it all the time. You post much more often than he does, so that's a great change.

BTW, how do you not notice your thong on the wrong way? Wouldn't it "ride" in the wrong places?

12:08 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Anthony - congratulations!!! i think flip flops are ok, but what is ALWAYS unacceptable are those strappy boy sandals. not cute.

kylee - why are you being nice to me? do i have something on my face? is it white? oh crap.

christie - well, the three sides to the thong were all the same width, if that makes any sense. but you would think that the cotton crotch might make one hip feel significantly more comfortable than the other hip and my precious nonny. i wasn't on my game yesterday. your husband is hilarious. you should have a blog too!

6:48 AM  
Anonymous Christie said...

I stick with the easiness of myspace blogs. Jay is the writer in the family, I am just the "ranter".

8:16 AM  
Blogger kari said...

ahh, the doucebag uniform! i do, however, wear flip-flops with jeans, but only because i'm too lazy to find my socks and legitimate shoes. but i don't consider myself a doucebag.

i love the word "douchebag." i use it a gajillion times a day. i also really like the word "gajillion."

borat: RUBBER FIST IS AWESOMETASTIC, as is the term "wizard sleeve."

i have found that bosses who are your age or close to your age will always seem nice at first but then turn out to be douchebags.

i knew you were that special, crystal.

10:15 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

come to think of it, my ex boyfriend wore jeans and flip flops on our first date. at the time I thought it was hot. he turned out to be a huge-ass d-bag though. go figure.

4:31 PM  

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