Tuesday, June 19, 2007

More Random

1. I shut my bathroom door yesterday morning. I never shut my bathroom door. By the time I got home from work, I had to piss like never before. I pee pee danced all the way through the parking garage and counted my 147 steps to reach my apartment door. I fumbled with the keys and busted through the front door. I made a beeline for the bathroom. When I say beeline, I mean I ran as fast as I possibly could. Face first into my bathroom door. I seriously thought I broke my nose. What would I tell people?? The fact that anyone could be so oblivious would certainly cause doubt. So I started trying to make up stories that sounded a little more realistic than doing a face-plant into solid oak due to my own pee-drunk clumsiness. Airbag? Softball? I decided just to tell people that my boyfriend beat me up.

2. I went out to dinner with one of my gays. He owns two vehicles. Billy on his beat up white car:

He: Her name is Trisha because she is like the wanna-be cheerleader that was a little too overweight and couldn’t do a cartwheel so she wound up just joining the drill team with all the other whores.

Me: And what is your truck’s name?

He: Garth. Duh.

3. I was in the drill team.

4. For reals this time, y'all. I am going to Luanda, Angola here pretty soon. Weeee. I will be accompanying my 25 year old boss who speaks Chinese, has a Master's Degree and more ambition than I could squeeze into my ginormous buttcheeks.

8 Comments:

Blogger goldennib said...

All of the drill team people ended up being cool adults. What happened to the cheerleaders you knew?

10:35 AM  
Blogger j-me said...

I was a cheerleader, so you better say they turned out pretty effing cool! *wink*

11:16 AM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

Our dance team was called "The Corsairs," and was only about 75% whore. Considering your little incident with the door, it's likely you were not quite dance team material, and thus not a whore. Or at least a huge one.

Oh, and I just came from Kristen's blog, and found out we have something in common regarding Enchanted Rock.

11:24 AM  
Blogger NiolK said...

Please tell me a drill team is the same as cheerleaders but hold drills instead of pom-poms.

11:24 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

We did not have a drill team, cheerleaders or anything else. They tried to start cheerleading at our school, that did not go over so well. We had Latin. Alright, now I am going to retreat to my nerd corner.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

what is a drill team? we never had one of those at my school.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

goldennib - all meth addicts now. pretty sad.

j-me - :P

jay - since i couldn't dance, the only way they'd let me on the team was if i was a whore. so there you go. as far enchanted rock (high five!) goes, does that make us part of the 400 feet high club? i sure hope so. in addition to being the tallest place i have ever done dishes, it's also been the most uncomfortable. nothing like grinding your knees into hamburger for a little rock action.

niolk - i wish that were the case. would have been much more appropriate.

kels! what?! what strange school did you attend?

celeste - it's a dance team. weeeee! usually people on the drill team get offended when they are compared to the cheerleaders because DT girls point instead of flex and we are waaaaay better at giving head. :)

j-me - just kidding! you are effing cool!

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

gaw you're so funny. i would like to hang out with you. how about moving to SF Bay Area?

9:59 PM  

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