Monday, June 04, 2007

Strip Gin Rummy and Naked Jumping Jacks

It was a good weekend.
I also got the chance to see The Chronic-what!-cles of Narnia. That movie kicks ass. I want a lion.
So I was sitting around with him this weekend when I suddenly became very bored…with myself. I hadn’t spoken in almost an hour and my stagnation on his couch caused me to start growing mosquitoes.

Did you know that I used to be fun? I was a fun fucking girlfriend. I would go to great lengths to make kick-ass dates. Now I am boring. All I ever feel like doing is watching movies and washing dishes. Poor guy. So Saturday night, fed up with myself and the smell of mildew that was starting to emanate from my pits, I jumped from the couch, declared I’d be having wine and that we’d be playing cards. It’s all I could come up with on short notice and I wound up having more fun with him that night than I’d had in a very long time. He is pretty good at following through with his bets as long as they don’t involve ballerina dance moves or dressing up like a princess and speaking in an English lady voice for the rest of the evening.

So I have decided to get back to being more exciting to hang out with than a used toothpick.
Any suggestions?


Blogger goldennib said...

You can't get better than that.

8:29 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Did you do naked jumpingg jacks, because that just sounds painful w/out a bra.

10:18 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

nib - you can if you add about 15 glasses of wine!

kels - thank God i won that game!

10:55 AM  
Blogger blog Portland said...

I seriously question whether this was as much of a game as it was a device for your ongoing torture of the male gender.

11:49 AM  
Blogger Sudiegirl said...

I'm down with ya on the whole lion thing, but I gotta say that they might interfere with the whole naked gin rummy thing. think about it...if it lays down on the cards, are YOU gonna move it? Not if you wanna keep your limbs, you're not.

1:07 PM  
Blogger jules said...

S&M BONING??? Please send me the instructions for that one. I wanna play it with my FWB.

3:29 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

screw the suggestions...
i simply want you as my girlfriend.

too bad yer not out here in the pacific northwest.

we could play trolling for bumbs... (imagine fishing line, a dollar, a plastic hook and hours of fun)

4:47 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

I must be a stick in the mud, because the washing dishes part would keep me happy.
What about board game night? I'm thinking of starting that here actually.

6:17 PM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I am not sure about #4. You may want to practice that before you do it with him.

8:54 PM  
Anonymous denise d said...

Oh! All of those sound like Great Fun!! I'm sure he'd be happy with just about anything you wanna do. And THAT'S why we're counting on seein y'all at the June Party!!

There will be boardgames, door prizes and alcohol!!!


8:50 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - i can't help it if you guys subject yourselves to this type of treatment.

sudie - but assland was a nice lion. i am sure i could politely ask assland to get his MANEY ASS OF MY EFFING CARDS and he would have done just so.

jules - hit, lick, repeat.

bronx - i am going to add that to my list! that's a great idea! but i may get my ass kicked.

neal - you're easy to please. and why don't you just stick to 3-Man and Presidents and Assholes?

thomas - what for? do you DOUBT ME?

denise - weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

11:54 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I meant you should practice on a certain someone who visits from Seattle from time to time first.

2:48 PM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

ok I've decided after reading this post that you totally CAN come live with me. I like getting drunk and playing cards.

4:53 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

thomas - how do you expect me to practice on you when you never come visit me? huh? huh?

celeste - sweet. i will bring the franzia!

8:23 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Crystal, you could go hat shopping together. Think of the hi-larious times you two would have in derby hats. He already has facial hair, but you could tape on a "Keystone Cop" type mustache and go around clubbing people with a wiffle bat.

12:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like you're fine with me. We're all a little boring,
sex helps, (when you're married)
be cool, in your own way, he'll dig it, if not, get another one.

8:07 PM  

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