Monday, July 23, 2007

Ice Cream Jones

I ran across this story on the news this morning.

If you don’t feel like reading it, I will give you the highlights.

Ice Cream Man pissed at Ice Cream Woman over competition and slashes her tires.

Ice Cream Man previously busted for fighting with 13 Year Old Boy.

My favorite line from the article:
The boy claimed Didiano wouldn't sell him ice cream because he said he was fat.

I don’t know if I am still drunk from Saturday night or what, but I nearly shitted in my pants when I read that. So of course, I want to share with my loved ones, so they may too need to hide their undies in the office “Shred Only” bin.

My best friend sent an email back to me claiming that the vending machine at her work must be related to the crazy ice cream man because the bastard thing just ate her money today.

Vending machines should have two lights. One that says “Use Correct Change Only” and one that says “No way man; you’re too fat”


Blogger Thomas said...

Hey you!

3:49 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

My ice cream man is just too creepy to deal with. Instead of regular ice cream man outfits he dresses up like Michael Jackson.

12:55 AM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

We have 2 types of Ice Cream men in our neighborhood. The first type actually sells ice cream, yet they seem to consist of convict child sex offenders. The second type we call "The Ice Crack Man." Guess what he sells.... You don't see a lot of fat people around his truck, surprisingly.

1:39 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

thomas - hey yourself!!!

the grunt - we should start an ice cream man blog. you can take pictures of yours, fat sparrow can take pictures of the ice crack man and i will take pictures of the barely running pedophilous (word?) cans that bump around the neighborhood playing a screwed version of The Entertainer.

fat sparrow - it's true. i have never seen a skinny crackhead. there was a guy like that in my friend's neighborhood, although he didn't drive an ice cream truck. he drove a caddy and his name was benny and moms would send their kids into the streets with bandaid boxes for benny to fill up with goody goodness. he was like the ice cream man. only for old ghetto unfit parents.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

I agree with Grunt, something about ice cream men kinda creeps me out. And its not like it was in the old days, where they had real ice cream. Now its just these weird knock-off "fudgcicles" and stuff.

9:45 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

Whenever I picture an ice cream man, I always picture that guy from the movie Friday. With the curly wig and the pimped out ice cream truck. Awesome, eh.

5:52 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

The Ice Cream man would never sell me ice cream because he said "No way! You look like you have Type 2 Diabetes" And I would be like "I'm 7" and he would be like "yeah & minutes away ffrom dying from your diabetes" and then id go "Can i just have a handful of sprinkles then" and then he would grab handfuls of them and throw them at my eyes.

8:03 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

photogirl - i know, right? gimmie the real shit. i want a freaking fudgebomb.

christie - our ice cream man actually looked a lot like him! i remember being confused when he was all "fo dollas" and i was all "fo?" what the fuck kind of number is that? but then i learned and then me and him, we had an understanding.

ryan - your ice cream man was also a pediatricion??? holy crap. that is fucking awesome.

9:18 AM  

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