Monday, July 16, 2007

1. "Wow, you're like a stallion."

"Um, wow, you're like...a pin cushion?"

2. This weekend, I went to SanAntonio to get my dance on with Steph and some of her friends for a ladies night out. I guess this could also be called a leave-your-boyfriends-and-husbands-at-home-but-invite-a-bunch-of-other-guys night out. Every time I turned around there seemed to be five more boys crowding our little area. I know this is going to sound kind of funny and if you see me in public and call me out, I will call you a big fat liar to your mean face, but I love me some kuntry dancin’. I cain’t get enough. I don’t go so far as too strap on my Rocky Mountains and brushpopper, but I will get down with the best of them [read: drunkenly grind my partner’s toes into corn beef hash while repeatedly requesting that they “Ooo! Spin me! Spin me” and purchase me numerous shots]. Cept for my boyfriend wasn’t there. I got asked to dance several times. So what is better for my relationship? I want to be really really good to Ryan. I decided just not to dance with anyone. I am not so good at rejecting boys. One of the girls there would actually get out her index finger and poke at a boy until he left “Shoo! Get the hell out of here! We don’t want you! Go!” It must take a lot for a guy to approach a lady in front of a bunch of her friends, so I wasn’t about to yell at some poor guy. I started out by saying, “No thanks. I am not very good.” Guys don’t take hints well. They are all very helpful. So I had to say, “I’d love to [ß optional, depending on the guy], but I have a boyfriend and I’m trying to be respectful of him tonight.” Although, I was tired by the end of the night and when the peacockbanger asked me to dance, I am pretty sure I just said No and rolled my eyes. It’s hard for me to get through an entire evening without being an asshole to somebody. So I didn't dance with any boys, but my boobies got more action than a chlamydia swab at the free clinic. By women! Steph has some freaky friends, man.


Blogger Ryan said...

Ah Romance.

The only times I'm ever compared to a horse are when I shit while I'm walking.

10:35 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...



1:36 PM  
Blogger NiolK said...

Heh You're a total redneck aren't you?

I bet you wear a stetson 24/7.

3:33 PM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

It must take a lot for a guy to approach a lady in front of a bunch of her friends...

You have no idea. Women talk about lack of empowerment, etc -- and the issues are real -- but it seems like we ignore the question of sexual power, where in general women have lightsabers and we have, like, a paper match. And as often as not, we end up like Guido (?) in Star Wars I. I mean IV. Whatever.

10:50 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Dancing for a good cause is acceptable.

10:52 PM  
Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

You are such a lady. If you really want to get rid of a guy, let him buy you a drink, offer to go outside with him, and then promptly upchuck on his shoes. Then go back inside and act like nothing happened. The other men will give you a wide berth for the rest of the evening, once word gets around.

3:54 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Good job keeping the Girls' night really a girls' night & being respectful of your boyfriend!

5:59 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Niolk - crap. you figured it out. i've gotten quite good at roping red-headed Irish fellas who have fisting fetishes. 3? i was quite impressed at that one.

bryan - you make a good point. you don't take back control until you stick it in us. then after that, you get cocky and don't call. so i don't feel that sorry for guys.

grunt - a good cause being? having some muscly dude rub his tight muscles all over my bare skin while we move to the beat of bootscootinboogie?

fat sparrow - i hate throwing up. what if i poop?

kels - yeah, i really don't want to give any space at all for effinf stuff up between us. he pretty much rocks.

6:14 AM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

Guys are such assholes. There you are in a bar with music, a big empty floor, and booze and they ask you to DANCE?! Goddamnit, take a hint stupid boys!

(and I'm so tempted to correct Bryan - it's Greedo - but I won't because that would make me look like all nerdy & schtuff)

6:32 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

tinyhands - i didn't mean to come across like i thought they were stupid for asking me to dance. i fully expected that. i went to a dancehall for pete's sake. however, i think there should be a law that says if you have a curly mullet with the sides of your head shaved bald, you are not allowed to ask women to dance. unless they also have a mullet. and jeans with zippers on the bottoms. that are covered by slouch socks.

6:41 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

it's been so long since i've seen you on mah' site! thanks! of course, it's been awhile since i've posted anythin worthwhile.... hmmm... touche, eh?

nice to see you, and for the record:

i'm white. i jes' don't dance.


7:03 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

How could you have sex after lovingly being called a pin cushion? I'd be laughing myself silly.

1:45 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

bronx - no need to dance if you're handsome!

goldennib - it was after. thank goodness he had sense enough not to say it during!!

2:03 PM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

darlin, if yore boyfriend cain't handle you doin some daincin, then git a new one! T'aint no sin!

9:33 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

Rrramone - he didn't care. but i do because i am a big dork like that. besides, having other guys rub up agaisnt me doesn't really interest me right now.

1:58 PM  

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