Wednesday, August 15, 2007

I am the mess you chose

1. I haven’t talked to one of my friends for a little over a year. He is the one that drew these pictures of me. He sent me an email yesterday that said:

i love you crystal (not in the take off your clothes kinda way but the i would let you barf on me and still listen to you drunk cry kinda way)

That is some true friendship right there.
I have only barfed on someone once that I know of. But soon, good friend, soon.

2. Yesterday Ryan set up his slip-n-slide and I decided to impress him with my mad slip-n-slide skills and I busted my head on the ground and I can barely move my neck today. I am probbaly dying right now. Getting old sucks. Especially when you're an old person that cannot move her head. How am I going to do my baller shot caller dance now or lick beer off the front of my shirt? Headgear scares me.

3. If somebody is pooping in the office bathroom, do your business and get out of there. Don't spend 10 minutes perfecting your eyeliner (we are at work for crying out loud, who gives a shit what you look like??) while somebody else is in the stall 5 feet away from you trying not to make high tide with her grapefruit poop until you leave the damn room. God, have some respect, people.

4. I love this song lately. Oh, and this more meaningful one too.


Blogger blog Portland said...

Sounds to me like your buddy has a vomit fetish.

10:38 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

well isn't that just insanely cute in a bodily function kinda way!?


btw, i'm back.. been gone a bit, and i've got some cool pics on my site if you wanna come see.


take care!

10:39 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

That's some love right there. You should find out if he loves you enough to let you menstruate on his face.


10:52 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

blog - i know. wish it was poo.

bronx - i will go check it out!!

ryan - since he is not interested in seeing me naked, i am sure my vagina in his face would not be appealing. but i'll see if anyone else wants to. could be fun.

10:55 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

1: Do you really have that big of boobs? If so, than, Wow, impressive.

2: Getting old sucks huge balls, and not in a good way. I actually hurt my back BOWLING, for crying out loud!

3: No comment, except, I am so sorry! That had to be hard to hold.

4: I loves that song, Staind has always been one of my favorites. As for the other song, is that the 2000's version of The Village People? Pink shirt on a man= Gay man. I mean, like really gay.

3:19 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

awww...did dave and brandon's rendition of Everything Changes in Concan get you back into the song? Shhh, don't tell me. I'm chosing to believe that my husband can be inspirational.

The word menstration reminds me of the video we watched in 5th grade.

6:09 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Slip 'n' Slides always have a high ER trip factor. I hope your noggin is doing okay.

8:59 PM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I can't remember the last time that I used a slip n' slide. They are a whole lot of fun.. You know, when you don't busy your head. Good one. I hope alcohol was involved to account for your clumsiness... :-)

6:17 AM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

First of all, those are some sassy drawings. And I would have to wash the barf off before I would listen to anybody. So sorry to hear about your neck, that is a drag!

And since I've seen your youtube footage, I will return the favor. You can see footage of me if you check my latest blog post.

Get better soon! ;-)

6:44 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Good friends are hard to find. You are very lucky.

8:14 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

love the new pic, but i doubt yer lovely ribs stick out that far on the sides...


10:10 AM  
Blogger captain corky said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

11:16 AM  
Blogger captain corky said...

I hate the bathrooms at work. I wish all the animals would go outside so it would be nice and clean for me.

I like all of the drawings, and I'm very partial to the farm girl one, even though I live in city (kind of).

11:17 AM  
Blogger julie said...

I think all bathrooms should be private. Why would you WANT to be in one when someone else is getting down to business?

11:46 AM  
Blogger ekki said...

Christie, yes she does.

Crystal I love you for putting that second video in my life. xo

7:42 PM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

I'm thinking "Public Bathroom Etiquette: Have Some Respect People!" will be a best seller.

10:19 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

1. The are big. They are just not perky. I am lucky that my artist friend was liking me that day. 2. ryan's mom just pulled a hamstring bowling - on the wii. so don't feel bad. 3. closest thing to childbirth i have gotten so far. 4. yes, i like the close up pink shorts thrust. it's my favorite.

jamie - the video where she made pancake ovaries???
staind-actually, it kind of did. i had forgotten about it until we went to concan and i love that song, but it is kinda depressing so i can't listen to it all ocd-like. they did an awesome job with it. your husband and mel's husband - they rock.

the grunt - o feel bad complaining when you are having chmicals pumped into your brain. i hope YOU are doing good! kick some cancer ass, matt!

kels - actually, i think the wine saved me from more pain seeing as how i was hella relaxed when it happened. since wine saved my life, i am dedicating my life to wine. am coming to your vineyard!

rrramone - i saw! what an awesome video!!! i was disappointed at the lack of sex though. fix it for next time.

nib - lucky that i have a place to throw up if i can't find a trash can or the ground.

bronx - my ribs are CRAZY!

captain - you city boys always go for the farm girls. we all smell like hay.

julie - some people are sick i guess. they have entire websites dedicated to that shit. literally.

ekki - it's the pink shorts thrust! i knew its!

celeste - i could write it and you could do the photography! :)

1:12 PM  

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