Wednesday, September 05, 2007


I haven’t written in awhile because:

1. I am very boring. I do not think anyone wants to hear about how I have counted every ceiling tile in my office (39.7) twelve times and about how the highlight of my week has been receiving a brand! new! rolling! backpack! for attending a safety meeting where all I did was sit in the back and make fun of people and count the people that were sleeping every 20 minutes and then averaged them at the end of the meeting (7). I also pondered the meaning behind the whole short sleeved business shirt and tie thing. I have it figured out and will expound on it at a later date. I know you’re dying to know over there, but for a girl to be highly sexeh, she also has to be mysterious. The very sad part is that I don’t even like rolling backpacks. I mean, it is a damn backpack. It goes on your back. It’s tiny. You’re going to look like one hell of a pussy rolling that down the hall.

2. I have been angry. I count when I am angry. I also add. I can also do standard deviation in my head if I am pissed off enough (also highly sexy). I am angry about things that I do not want to talk about, but I also get mad when people don’t notice I am mad about things that they pissed me off about and then they don’t ask what is wrong when I am obviously being quiet and withdrawn. My only solace is knowing that they are going to be terribly sorry on the day I decide to give out free handjobs.

3. I have been worried. I get to have a piece of my girlparts removed tomorrow for a biopsy. It is going to be painful and I am going to be sad. If only my parents knew my nonfunctional balls were going to be a problem, they would have lopped them off in the beginning. Don’t worry. They are completely tuckable.


Blogger Jamie said...

...put the lotion in the basket...

3:38 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

I'm sorry you are sad and mad and worried. If you lived closer, I would take you out drinking so you would forget all your problems for an evening.

5:46 PM  
Blogger jay are said...

it's not so fun to be sad and mad and worried, no. I'm worried too now. please let us know how the doctor visit stuff goes....blech.

7:24 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

You better not be having sympathy growths for me.

11:15 PM  
Blogger goldennib said...

I can so relate with number two. I get so mad when people don't know how mad I am.

I hope your girly parts are ok.

3:18 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Good luck with your girly partys. I'll be thinking of you.

Also-- shirt sleeve buttonup shirts are bad-- they are horrible when paired with a tie. I could go on and on and on and on some more.

6:29 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Aren't you just the question mark, wrapped in a quandry, steeped in an enigma.

Oh, and can you give a little advanced warning on the day you decide to give free handjobs? I'd hate to miss such an occassion.

7:07 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

thinking of you...
well, not that that's really that unusual, i think we all think about you.... a lawt.

take care, and boring or not, it's you... we read about you, laugh with you, and we're all winners.

(no, not wieners)

hugs, B

7:31 AM  
Blogger kari said...

your "free handjob" comment was the funniest thing i've read all day -- and i've been doing a lot of reading today.
worry = no fun. and i know what that is like -- i'm thinking of you, dear friend.

8:02 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

1. You are the opposite of boring

2. Anger is healthy.

3. Hope it goes well.

11:18 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hope all girly part business goes okay!!. . .

now know ur underpressure but didnt u do a blog not that long ago bout hating people asking wats wrong when ur feeling off?

11:20 AM  
Blogger goldennib said...

Are you game? Please play with me.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Neal said...

I hope they let you have back whatever they take out, then you can put it in a locket around your neck and offer to let people see your girl parts.

...and I hope everything comes out OK.

2:53 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jamie - oh shit, was it the lambs?

christie - yay for drunken cervix bashing! (not literally) but i would talk about my cervix very disdainfully.

jay - i am sure i am fine. will find out more on thurs. but i don't think i have much to worry about. thanks for being concerned about me. you = awesome

grunt - nope, but my hair has completely evacuated my balls. how's that for sympathy?

nib - why can't everyone be as perceptive as us? God!

kels - we should write a whole book on it. i know i could.

e.a. - it is going to be a surprise. so you have to stay on your toes, you hear? i am not that easy. :P

bronx - no weiners?! what kind of party is this anyway?? :) thanks for being so nice to me all the time.

kari - thanks. i appreciate it. i am sure i will be completely fine. or die. you know, whatever. :)

celeste - i got a numerical response! i LOVE numbers!

anonymous - it only counts when strangers who don't know me are up in my business. if i know people, it's ok for them to be all "what's up your ass today?"

nib - wow. that looks like a lot of work! i will do my best to deliver!

neal - holy crap! i could set up a kiosk in the mall with a "your name on a chunk of cervix" sign and put them on necklaces. you're a genius. straight up. you can have half my profits and i'll even throw some cervix your way.

8:20 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home