Friday, October 19, 2007

All they do is cause problems!

1. This just proves my theory that engineers are devoid of all emotion. It's hard to be depressed when you are incapable of feelings because you have a cold black heart made up of mossy sticks and old dried up shriveled peas.

2. I had a dream about going to a park with Bram. He was wearing a red shirt and shorts and couldn’t stop smiling. I kept telling him we needed to go pick up Kari because she was totally going to flip her shit when we walked up to her door. Strange dream, huh.

3. I got this email from one of my girlfriends. She had a fight with her boyfriend and wrote me for advice. She is going to kill me if she finds out I posted it, but come on, you don’t send me stuff this unintentionally funny and not expect me to share it with the world:

Last night he tried the anal beads on me again and was trying to push them in too fast and I was uncomfortable so I asked him to stop and put more lube on or something and he got angry and ripped them out of my ass and threw them across the room. I them told him I didn't want to have sex anymore and he said "fine" and went and laid down on the couch. About an hour later he crawled into bed but didn't touch me. This morning I had to make peace and asked him if he wanted to talk about it. He said "no, but we are throwing those anal beads away. All they do is cause problems".

Don’t act like you didn’t just shoot pee out of your nose when you read that.

12 Comments:

Blogger j-me said...

hahahah - that's the way to start the weekend off right!!

1:53 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

I laughed so hard my anal plug shot out.

6:46 PM  
Blogger Owen Hansen said...

It wasn't pee and it wasn't my nose...Yeah, I'm making up shit. Nothing shot out of any where. I'm such a nerd I'm thinking, "Was he being a complete nutjob with the shoving them in too fast, or Was he being observant and decent with the discarding of the beads, and mostly, Why the fuck do I care, my wife would fill my ass with buckshot, no. 1, for like Martian fucking elephants or something, before I'd pop a bead in her dank whole of musty delights.

7:29 PM  
Blogger Nessa said...

I'm going to be remembering that image for a while.

3:07 AM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

two things:

One, why do people who do installation, maintenance and repair appear to be almost twice as happy as people who do building and grounds cleaning and maintenance?

Secondly, I think I need better friends.

10:45 AM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

Also, Nessa, I'm going to be imagining that sound for a while.

10:46 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Were those two wearing eye protection? Safety first!

9:05 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

one word:

WOW


(oddly enough, the word verification was "wafpueqi" -- i betcha they made a sound like that when being "removed" so quickly)

9:48 AM  
Blogger Andre Veloux said...

I thought it said go to a park with a "pram", now that would have got you going wouldn't it?

7:37 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I think that would make a good T-shirt:

"Anal beads: All they do is cause problems"

8:26 AM  
Blogger kari said...

i've always said that about anal beads.

regarding your dream... sighhh. i miss bram.

1:25 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

Did you know that if you rip anal beads out really fast, you shit yourself? I don't know from experience, of course, I just heard it somewhere. I swear.

10:56 PM  

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