Monday, October 29, 2007

I lost 25 pounds in 6 months. I didn’t do anything to lose it. I started taking the stairs at work and stopped eating a bag of Skittles every single day. Right now, I am 5’6 and weigh 130 pounds. According to my doctor, I am now at a healthy weight for my size. Please know that I eat. A lot. I still have some muffin toppage going on and extra meat on my belly that will hang over the top of my jeans when I sit down. I am fine with both of these. I’ve always wanted to be more curvy than straight. Some of my friends are starting to become brutal about this weight loss and have even called me “disgustingly skinny” and said things like “so-n-so thinks you’re gross now and says you need to pick up a hamburger” and even “[person I met for 5 minutes] hates you because you’re too skinny”. I don’t think people realize that saying that stuff is just as hurtful as when a friend compares you to a beached whale. Why is it ok to criticize someone’s body when they are skinny and not when they are fat? These are the same people who, when I was slightly overweight, would never say something like, “Wow, Crystal. The amount of large curd cottage cheese located just under your ass cheeks is starting to make me have the dry heaves.” It still hurts feelings. My best friend (who is the same height and weighs 5 pounds more than me) told me I have no ass or hips anymore and that I look sick. I never eat anything unless it’s fried or soaked in MSG or covered in cream sauce or all three. (I will skip dinner on occasion if I am still full from all the stuff I eat throughout the day, but I love food too much to not eat when I am hungry and I hate working out and I hate throwing up even more so I would make a terrible anorexic/bulimic person.) I have other friends who make comments like the ones above. Obviously, I am becoming increasingly less attractive and nobody has any problems with letting me know it. I can’t help it. I’m not trying to lose weight and was not trying when I did it. Maybe I have some hormonal shit going on or maybe I am just shaped funny. Regardless, the only good thing about feeling this unattractive is that I can go to Taco Cabana and eat 6 burritos for lunch which is exactly what I am going to do.


Blogger The Grunt said...

I've liked the way you've looked whenever you've treated us to photos on your blog or other. I think people who criticize you no matter what are just showing their own insecurities. I mean, there is no way you can win with these people. Enjoy your burritos and think of me when you are having them. I can't have spicy food anymore.

9:43 AM  
Blogger j-me said...

I think you look awesome!! I'm 100% jealous of your figure, so obviously i don't think you're too skinny. i think that you're just in love and that makes some people gain weight and others lose. you are in the fortunate "lose" category. congrats!! Shame on Ryan for even suggesting you have a disorder... tisk, tisk.

9:48 AM  
Blogger eM said...

I think people tend to know if they have an eating disorder. Sometimes they say they don't, but if they do, they know it. If you eat and you have energy and do what you want and feel good about yourself, then that is a good thing!

I wonder about the people who call you disgustingly skinny and their esteem issues. It's one thing to say that "wow, you are looking rather thin, are you eating and is everything going OK?" out of concern. It's another thing to say that someone thinks you're gross and hates you because you're too skinny. That's not concern, it's something else. (Unless it's followed with 'bitch' and a friendly smirk and a friend who's happy for you but a tad jealous and is making all of this completely obvious in a way to compliment you in a goofy way)

Did you used to be the 'curvy' one who is now skinnier and people are just mad at you for that? I knew people in the past who were like that when I lost weight after starting running and they could no longer rely on me being the chubby one. I dunno. If you're happy and you know you're being healthy then screw 'em!

10:12 AM  
Blogger Sean said...

1) not meant as an insult, but i never thought you had weight to loose in any of the photos you've posted. you've always looked hubba-hubba.

2) who knew you had feelings? kick'em in the nuts.

10:21 AM  
Blogger Neal said...

Wow, you nailed it when you said people are just as cruel towards skinny people (which I happen to be) as they are towards large types. Just remember, if you're skinny you can eat more, if you're fat you can eat less, but if you're stupid all you have are lame insults.

10:27 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

some people think skinny is always good, so telling someone they're skinny -- no matter how you do it -- is always compliment.

other people want to establish themselves as Not Buying Into The Thin Game, so think they're striking a blow for healthy curves by being rude to other people.

some people are jealous.

some people are genuinely concerned.

some people were absent the day "politeness" was explained.

some people are just @$$holes.

not sure if i missed anybody, but anyway, if you're happy with how you look you're way ahead of the game. screw everybody else.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

I have a friend that started watching what she ate and exercising. She lost a lot of weight. Then she got sick from something totally 100% unrelated and lost hospital weight. Some of her friends are so mean to her about it. It is true that people make more fun of skinny people than fat people and don't realize they are hurting feelings. My friend has called me numerous times to get a confirmation that she is not crazy. I put it in perspective for her-- the worst offender would get rid of her stress by eating a dozen doughnuts-- my friend would go to the gym. It is not fair to be treated like this. You made a few changes and your body does change throughout the years. You just kind of adjust.

You are beautiful at any weight. Taking the stairs is smart. Obviously, you don't have food issues.

You are amazing, but you know that.

Also, I'm 5'6 as well.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Apparently, I did not think it was important to make sense with my comment. You know what I mean.

10:44 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

wow...thanks everybody

grunt - i always feel a little silly posting about stupid crap like this when you can't even eat spicy food. i am sure the bald looks awesome on you though. probably feels good on your nuts too! thank you for saying nice things to me. you always seem to know when i need it. (even when i am not crying about it on my blog).

j-me - thanks for saying that. it's gotten to the point where i don't know who is being honest and who is being nice or both, but i trust you. and i think ryan is just purely concerned about me. or maybe he is sad that i don't have as much ass to smack around. :D

eM - you have a good point. i was always skinny in college and then gained weight afterwards. the weird thing is that when i gained the weight, i felt better about my body than when i was skinny. i hadn't thought about people getting used to me being chubby and being comfortable with it. i wonder if that is the case. but when this many people are on me about it, i feel like i should pay attention and look deeper. then i am all, maybe i do have an eating disorder? i skipped dinner yesterday and i do eat reduced fat peanut butter sandwiches. maybe i am sick? but then i look at my best friend who gets on the scale every day and counts every calorie and spends a lot of time at the gym and i think maybe it's not me? i dunno. i am confused. if it is people who just want me to be a fatty because i am less of a threat (not that i pose one anyway, but i know how girls think), then they can just suck it. it's not right to cut someone down just to make themself feel better.

sean - kick my feelings in the nuts? my feelings have a vagina. maybe i will kick them in the vagina.

neal - you should write hallmark cards. i am glad you can identify and if anyone tells you anything negative about your weight, show them the picture of your bare ass and they will shut up. and probably drool a little.

bryan - you're right. why should i care what other people think? if i am happy with me, then fuck them right? besides, who has to look at me in the mirror masturbating and naked every day? just me.

10:47 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

kels - hahahaha. you totally made sense. i am constantly calling my friends too to make sure i am not crazy. but then they usually tell me i am crazy anyway and then i go eat a jar of mayonaise and weigh myself every ten minutes. it's the only time when i ask if my ass looks fat in these pants and i want to hear yes.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Chris said...


don't let the bastards get you down. you're making them insecure. keep it up. stick it to em, aim a little higher...I mean lower.

2:19 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

Misery loves company. Keep it up and I'll have you out running with me. People don't realize how little things like "taking the stairs" can change things, I bet your heart likes you too.

Go!!!! Crystal!!!

3:07 PM  
Blogger Blur said...

First, you always look pretty good from what I've seen. Second, let's talk about how you are losing weight (I'm guessing lots of washing the dishes) and third, don't encourage Neal to show his ass, enough already.

4:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seriously, forget them.

Now go out and eat to forget your problems... ;)


4:15 PM  
Blogger jay are said...

I totally hear what you're saying and it's valid valid valid. I'm sorry your feelings have been hurt. I have to say, though, I'd kill for your problem for about two months. Two months! Then everything could be normal again. :) Anyway, just ignore the jealous hoo-haa's....they just wish they were you.

4:57 PM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

"Why is it ok to criticize someone’s body when they are skinny and not when they are fat?"

Hey! I'm pretty sure I criticized you when you were fat. Give a brother a little credit please? But I promise not to stop criticizing just because you're now skinny. (Maybe I missed the point of your post.)

6:33 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

never feel silly posting things you need to "air out" about... it's what we're all here for.

sweetheart, i've been guilty before of feeling like if i don't post something completely inane or silly - people won't visit my site.

but when i've needed to vent, lurkers and viewers/readers come out of the woodwork to help me.

vvvvvery reassuring that i'm not alone - tho i feel as tho i am too often.

you are a beautiful creature. we've seen your pictures, your smile, felt your energy and read your words.

personally, tho i have a ton of work each day and too many sites to see, i come here daily to see if you've made a post.

you make me smile. you make me laugh. your humor and style make you the person many of us have come to admire and adore.

soooo, physically speaking - f**k them all who put you down or challenge you for who you are. as a GUY who used to be over 320lbs, (now 200 @ 6'3") i know what you're going through.

as long as you moderate what you're doing, and for whatever reason yer losing weight on and off... make sure it's for the RIGHT REASONS and that you're still living healthy.

idiots ALL THE TIME lose a ton of weight and deprive their bodies of nutrition.. why do you think people flip flop? the body fights back and promotes cravings for stuff it's in NEED of!!!

hugs to ya, ping me anytime (myspace, here, whatevah) and i'll be here for ya.

~ b

7:11 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

There is something attractive about a woman who isn't afraid to eat whatever she wants. Yeah, it was the "6 burritos" line that put me over the edge.

7:25 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

Give me names and addresses and I will go slap them silly and then some.

9:01 AM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

And if you ever want someone else to look at you in the mirror while ..., just ask.

PS. My gf eats a lot more than I do, never counts a calorie, loves her body whatever it looks like. I think that's totally sexy.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Apparently that tape worm is paying off. Congratulations.

I echo the sentiment that I thought you were out-of-my league hotness before. You are almost certainly just as hot now.

Also, it's worth noting that if guys were saying this stuff we often compliment in a backhanded way. When we say, "Christ, woman, eat a burger or something," what we are really saying is, "Holt Jesus, Joseph and Mary, you are so hot that I would cut off my leg if you would let me touch you."

12:39 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jaysus! i never knew i had so much support! y'all are like a very expensive bra but the kind that supports, but doesn't have the huge unattractive grandma straps and the 15 hook eyes in the back. a very attractive bra made up of beautiful, smart people!
and y'all are right - if i feel good about myself, fuck everyone else. let's cuddle, shall we? i get to be on the inside!!!

7:59 AM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Crystal, I like you just the way you are. ;-)

Strange, twisted, perverted, funny, warped, and wacked.

12:49 PM  
Blogger Curly said...

I've inadvertently told a girl a similar thing. A few years ago she lost a dramatic amount of weight and looked really good for it, I jokingly said "I liked you before, when I had something to hold on to"... I've never seen someone's self-confidence disappear so rapidly in front of me - I felt awful for saying that, even as a joke. Lesson learnt (at a young age thankfully).

You look fab I'm sure... and a trip to London? We'll have to get down there to say hello.

5:55 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Well, as long as you keep that rack, no guy's going to care. heh.

2:43 PM  

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