Wednesday, October 10, 2007

An Open Letter to Hot Guy in Elevator

Dear Hot Guy in Elevator,

I swear it wasn’t a fart. It was my shoe that is a half size too big and when I was getting on it started to slip off and drag across the floor and it sounded like a nice pop-pop-pop machine gun fart. I could tell by the way you were smiling at me as we discussed elevator business that you were either trying to hold back high-fiving me or wincing from the pain of holding your breath so as not to insert my noxious parcel of bowel gas into your designer shirt covered lungs. And by elevator business, I mean that I have no clue what we were talking about because I was concentrating on coaxing my shoe to make the same noise so that you would know it came from my shoe and that I really hadn’t just blasted a hole in my underwear.

Warmest Regards,
Crystal

7 Comments:

Blogger j-me said...

it just HAD to be a hot guy, didn't it? Couldn't have been a Milton from Office Space look-alike, huh? why does it always happen when you are surrounded by greatness?

11:17 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

You know there is nothing you could say or do that would make him believe it was a shoe noise. Guys would rather believe you stained your panties.

11:18 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

j-me...always. i am usually crammed in the elevator with 11 men all at the drooling and spontaneous-cussing age. the one time that i am alone with a guy that is at least a good 35 years from Depends, i have to go sound like i am rotting on the inside. awesome.

christie - maybe the grin on his face was sheer pride.

11:32 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

Classic. Here's one that's happened to me: I was in an elevator when my cell phone started going off on vibrate. I got got all startled and went "Aah!". Isn't it great leaving others to think there is something seriously wrong with you?

5:32 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

I was holding my breath, but the smile was because I was picturing you at home, in bed with your significant other, holding his head under the covers while you gave him a dutch oven. Your shoe, my ass. Thanks for the complement; yes I am 35 years from depends, thank you.

7:03 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

i THOUGHT you looked familiar!

9:24 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

LMAO!!!

you should have topped it off with a limp-fish shake.

3:39 PM  

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