Wednesday, January 30, 2008

You'll love the feelin! It's so appealin!

Get in shape girl!

I had the ribbon Get In Shape Girl. I twirled that thing fiercely from the time I got up until the time I went to sleep. I am sure I looked a lot like this kid

with much less grace and way more fashion sense (leg warmers, red cowboy boots and Rosco P. Coltrane fundaroos – much like my gym clothes now).

Anyway, I decided it was time to start getting in shape girl and since ribbon twirling doesn’t quite attract the boys like it used to, I’ve chosen to take a step class which showcases my clumsy, no rhythm having feet and my useless flailing arms. I am actually shocked I did not take out the girl next to me with my swinging, stretchy, gogogadget armskin. Why the hell do decision makers at the gym insist upon putting mirrors in the aerobics room?? You can see everyone twice! What the hell good is that? I thought to myself “That poor girl has absolutely no idea what the hell she’s doing. Jesus! Look at her. Are we even watching the same instructor?! She is totally messing me up.” And then I realized that girl was me. I know I am no Paula Abdul, but I thought I’d look better than that! It has also become apparent that I was never properly taught my right from my left. The instructor didn’t even stay on her step. Half the time, she’d walk around and call out commands “Around the world knees!” “Wonky leg!” and everyone would just do it perfectly, in sync with each other while I jumped up and down looking like those incredibly happy half retarded kids on Barney. Apparently, I did something though seeing as how I can barely walk today. I am going back for more tonight, though. I am going to kick that step’s ass!


Blogger Robot Zombie Vampire said...

Just make sure to find a (straight) guy to stand next to. He'll likely be so mesmerized by your bouncing chest that he doesn't pay any attention to the instructor.

1:23 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I look like an idiot in those classes too!

1:32 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jay - how many straight men do you know who will attend a step aerobics class? all the perverted ones are in yoga.

amanda - then you should come with me then. it's always better to have someone to mess up with.

2:33 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

I saw Barney in a yoga class once.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Nessa said...

I'd hit myself in the head.

5:36 PM  
Blogger Eric said...

I can never figure out if the mirrors are to Break your spirit, or confront you with your.... "Reality"...

They tend to have both effects.

Good luck, and stick with it. It does become addictive.

I've been a yoga pervert..

8:54 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

"(leg warmers, red cowboy boots and Rosco P. Coltrane fundaroos – much like my gym clothes now)."

I think I just made sexy in my pants.

9:21 PM  
Anonymous faux pas said...

I can sooo relate. I punched myself in the boob this morning doing my Turbo Jam workout. Man, I'm sexy.

9:27 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

chris - ahh...the best of both worlds. did you like his downward dog?

nessa - i have almost done that. it is pretty bad when you duck to avoid your own flying arm.

eric - my boyfriend is also a yoga pervert. but it makes him stronger and more flexible. at least it is a healthy way to get his kicks. better than him wacking off in front of the tv stuffing his face with a bag of cheetos.

the grunt - i assure you. it is not cute.

faux pas - ha! i laughed out loud when i read your comment. i am laughing WITH you though. damn boobs always seem to get in the way of a good workout. even when you strap those suckers down.

7:46 AM  
Blogger Just Jamie said...

Where are you going to step class??
I felt like you were describing me in step class, seriously. It's beyond my capabilities & understanding & I take other classes! Or used to when I was a group participater, now I'm a loner:)

8:11 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

jamie - i go to the gym next to my work. i would invite you to come along, but i am slightly afriad you may get shot. plus it is like 1.5 hours from where we live. it would be awesome to have someone in there who doesn't know what the hell is going on either. we could make up our OWN definitions for Around The World Knees! and show them all.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

Umm, that is why I stick to yoga and kick my butt yoga. I don't know my left and right either. I have to actually think about it. Luckily, in yoga there is enough time to think.

11:05 AM  
Blogger jay are said...

oh man, that cracked me up. I've seen that same girl in the mirror too---she's always the most out of shape somehow, the one in the cycling class who definitely doesn't have a cyclists' body...Anyway, keep it up!! You'll be queen of the step in two days.

10:51 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

The kids on Barney are half-retarded? I'll have to take a moment aside to ponder that, it really changes my perspective of that whole show.

2:49 PM  
Blogger heatherrreloise said...

the kids on barney are half retarded?
i just thought they were a little excited...
sad times.

& that's why i hate gyms.
a bunch of people watching a machine or step kick my ass.
not fun.

10:41 AM  
Blogger Photogirl said...

as long as you can laugh at yourself :)

2:52 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

kels - yoga makes me feel awesome, but unless my boobs are actually hitting me in the face, i don't feel like i am getting a good work out in.

jay are - i actually did a lot better the second time around. now i just need to get my arms to cooperate and i'll be in business!

neal - have you ever seen a normal kid act that way?

heather - it did kcik my butt but i am going to go back for more until i master it. and maybe those black women in the class with the excellent bodies can teach me some extra moves.

celeste - i spend more calories laughing at myself then i do on the actual step!

9:18 AM  
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8:09 PM  

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