Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Amity or It's Raining [Older] Men

I have an older man magnet sewn up inside of me somewhere. It's not so bad considering I have somewhat of a FILF (DILF?) fetish and have, in the past, fondly referred to some acquaintances as my OMCs (Old Man Crush). Steph is with me on this and we have actually gotten into fights, "No! That is MY Old Man! Get your own!" However, I do not let my fantasies get the best of me because where it gets to the part where we disrobe, I am a little apprehensive as to what might be lurking underneath his older man trousers. Since I have given this blog address to too many people I know, I will not go into detail, but all of you are dirty (filfy?) enough to use your imaginations.

Back to the old man magnet. Some of them are nice and some of them are creepy. Some of them are friendly and some of them stare and grunt at me in the elevator. I can usually tell if someone is harmless or if they want to drink my pee.

Last week, a nice [although very eyefucky] gentleman bought lunch for a friend and me at the restaurant across the street from my work. He was a complete stranger. It made my friend very uncomfortable and she protested, and i was all thanks dude and i'll show you my cervix for a piece of flan!

I kid.

Sort of.

Anyway, it was nice. When I was in England, we met up with people from Chad, Nigeria, Angola and Indonesia. There was a guy there from Chad who had kids around my age and he was very sweet although I could barely understand his accent. I got this email from him a few days ago:


Heu my Cristal;

Big kiss for you to start this little note. Don't horry about me everything is ok and my family is safe. We crossed a very crazy three days of bombing but thank to God every thing is ok and we restart working slowly since Monday February 11, 2008. Thousands an thousands people moved out of the town but most part is back at home. The bad news is that the war is not finish yet because nobody winned last time and rebels are dissiminated every whe in the country. Part of them is with us in the town, other part around the town and the last part conquered some big tows of the country. As we didn't have anything to stop rebels and government to fight we just pray the God to stop everything.

I supposed you were back safely and find your family in great conditions. I cannot call you from my office because I'm not allowed to call outside of country but you can do it time to time if you want to talk with me; just use my tie line number below and it will be fine; you are - 6 hours from me don't forget it if you wish to call.

One more time thank you for the short great time we spent togeher in London and I wish strongly have an opportunity to go back in Houston for training so we can spent some nice moment .

Don't forget you have a great name and you will be a great lady; just trust your father.


I guess he is, like, my boyfriend and stuff now. Awesome.


Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

There's someone at my gym I'd like you to meet.

10:21 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I would say that it is a problem if you only attract old men. You attract all types of men, except some dude named Larry. I bet Larry is some lame-ass insurance agent, anyway.

Anyway, I think it is rather charming that you have this old guy from Africa to talk to.

10:43 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

pants - it's probably my boyfriend. he is a yoga perv.

grunt - his name is nembotnar. almost as cool as ndugu. but waaaay cooler than larry.

10:51 AM  
Blogger Clearlykels said...

You're talking to the girl whose only Valentine (card & chocolate) came from a man who is 75 and not related to her. I'm in adore with him.

11:48 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

kels - whew! 75! you got me beat! go kels! mine are usually 60 and under.

12:35 PM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

I think "trust your father" is Africa-talk for "who's your daddy?"

2:58 PM  
Anonymous slug said...

I can't decide if that email is completely creepy or just a little bit.

Always remember: to a man, a woman is either unattractive or he wants to have sex with her.

All women should realize that if you are even remotely attractive, some man has fantasized about having sex with you today.

5:28 PM  
Anonymous Jerseygirl89 said...

And now, when a creepy old man approaches you, you can say, "Sorry, I'm waiting for my African boyfriend."

6:33 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

So how old is "old men" anyway? 80? 35? Want to meet me for some flan?

10:18 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

tinyhands - ha! you = funny. i can just imagine myself screaming out his name "Oh! Nembotnar!! Nembotnar!!"

slug - i do not think so. have you seen my hair today?

jerseygirl - yeah! "and if you don't leave me alone nembotnar will impale you with a homemade spear!" omg was that racist?

effortlessly average - my OMCs generally range from 35-50. however, age is not a factor when we are discussing free desserts.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Well alrighty then! I'll show you my flan if you show my your cervix. ahahahahaha

11:15 AM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Hey, I'm 42. Can I lust after you in a semi-inappropriate way?

1:05 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

Man, Crystal, you get all the luck. I just get the boys, like my brothers friends, lusting after me. SO not the same thing. I mean, they are barely a year younger than my husband, but still, gross. You know. But I bet their trouser snakes aren't all old and wrinkly. Bonus, right?

8:27 AM  

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