Friday, July 25, 2008

i will follow anyone that brings me to you...

1. my parents are breaking up. i secretly want to find that i have a half-sister due to an infedelity that has been hidden for many years. it would make it even more interesting if my mom hid the pregnancy from my dad and then had the baby discreetly in the bathroom on sunday while my dad ate vienna sausages and watched This Old House in his green fart chair (the one with the holes in it that served as a good spot for my brother and me to physically rub each other's faces in during fights "you smell dad's farts! smell them good!" which usually ended with the game "why are you hitting yourself?") and then maybe mom put the hide-a-baby in a basket and left it at the firestation. it would be very cool if my half sister wound up being my best friend, stephanie.

2. the show was rad. then again, they could have been completely wasted and had head injuries to cause them to say ridiculous things that don't make any sense unless you have a head injury too and they could have not even brought any instruments and just made farting noises in the microphone and i still would have been like "WOOOO! Y'ALL ARE THE GREATEST BAND EVER!!! I WANT TO HAVE Y'ALL'S BABIES!!!" after the show, we went to speakeasy and saw this guy, Jonathan Terrell, perform. he's awesome. he had a guitar and a harmonica headgear and a great voice. ryan and i danced and then we walked about 2 miles back to our hotel. we just followed the river. and then he provided me with a hamburger to shove into my maw.


Blogger bronxbt said...

wow, talk about yer ying yang posts.

you can't have the good without the bad, eh?

light without darkness?

peanut butter without jam (tho honey suffices inna pinch)

gaping maws and burgers

and now, parents and a breakup....

sorry to hear of this. so often we all hear of stuff like this, and it's easy to forget there's (gosh!) REAL PEOPLE behind the scenes being affected.

is the decision a good thing? are you for it? against it? let us know, my dear.. we're hear to support you, gaping maws and all.


7:50 AM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Condolences on the parents. Unless that's a good thing. I have a few friends whose parents split up and it is agreed by all that it was the best decision the two ever made.

*"we walked... back to our hotel... and then he provided me with a hamburger to shove into my maw."*

Is that a euphemism?

8:37 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

bronx - i'm for whatever makes both of them happy. it's very difficult for one of them and i am just trying to be the most supportive daughter i can be for both of them.

chris - no. unfortunately, it really was a real hamburger from wendy's. i drank too much for my metaphorical maw to function at a decent level.

9:02 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I hope the split is amicable and doesn't turn members of your family against each other.

So, Wendy's and too much alcohol? Are we going to get a topless Hasselhoff style video soon?

9:47 AM  
Blogger Ruthie said...

I'm so sorry about your parents.

11:08 AM  
Blogger acousticblinding said...

It would be even crazier if your mom had a baby with Robert Stack while taping Unsolved Mysteries.

12:05 PM  
Blogger jay are said...

I hope Stephanie winds up being your sister, too, but I'm really sorry about your parents...that's got to be tough---especially if it isn't 100% what everyone wants and thinks is best. Good luck to you all.

3:49 PM  
Blogger Rrramone said...

Sorry to hear about your parents. Crapfest.

8:43 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am your long lost half sister....


9:50 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

Who gets custody of you?

1:05 PM  
Blogger Johnny Virgil said...

We do.

6:53 PM  
Blogger bryan torre said...

sorry about your folks.
glad you had a good time at the concert.
loved the account of sibling fights.
truth be told, i have a huge crush on the humor center of your brain.

that is all at this time.

7:50 AM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

It sucks about your parents. Mine have never been together - they split before I was even hatched. So I can't relate but I'm sure my Dad has a fart chair.

2:15 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

That sucks, I'm sorry. If I lived closer, I'd bring the hard liquor. I've heard it heals all wounds.

6:29 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Aw, dammit all to hell... doesn't anyone believe "'till death do us part" anymore?!?!?

Lemme know if you need hugs, drugs, or a nice, long motorboat and I'll be there.

3:21 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home