Tuesday, July 29, 2008

You are a china shop and I am a bull; You are really good food and I am full

1. Thank you everybody for the condolences on my parents splitting up. That’s pretty cool of y’all. I’m ok with it as long as both of them are ok. I was upset about it at first, but then… I don’t live at home anymore so it isn’t like I have to keep turning up the TV when “All My Chidren” is on. So I am ok. I just wish they both wanted the same thing. That’s all. As long as what they want doesn’t interfere with my “All My Chidren”.

2. The Alkaline Trio is coming to Houston in October. This time I am going to wear Velcro panties and try to fling and stick myself to the bassist’s fuzzy neck cheese and then try to simulate vigorous sex acts with it until security is able to pry me away.

3. My friend, Kat, met this IT guy while dancing and he was very shy and nerdy and white and then her friend left her there so she had to get a ride back to her car with this guy and when they got in the car, he turned up TuPac and started jamming out and then lifted his polo shirt sleeve to reveal a huge Tupac tattoo and then he grabbed her arm and started swinging it all over the place while repeatedly encouraging her to "Rock the Pac!". You just never know about some people.
When I was single, I got some weirdos, but nothing like that. Although, if I did meet a guy with my same level of passion for Mr. Shakur, I would have to have to ask him to muhrry me immediately.

4. Look what I found at Lowe's! When good marketing ideas go bad:


Blogger JL said...

Oooh, Velcro panties...

1:19 PM  
Blogger Dave Morris said...

Just make sure you don't accidentally put your velcro panties on inside-out. If you know what I mean.

2:16 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

JL - i know. you want a pair too, right?

dave - LMAO

2:23 PM  
Anonymous faux pas said...

Velcro panties are fun and all, but the "shy" IT guy sounds dreamy!

Why can't I find me a certified weirdo?!

5:46 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I wonder how many cubic feet of negro Gary Coleman is.

10:53 PM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

Yes, the negroes were on sale, but good luck trying to find someone to help you get one into the trunk of your car.

6:10 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

oh gads i lurve you.

i really must remember NOT to drink coffee when i read your posts.

i'm heading out on vacation next week, so i'll be AWOL for a bit.

YOU take care, stay velcro panti-ized, and careful with those rampaging IT guys.. they're all secret freaks.



9:52 AM  
Blogger Nessa said...

No playing ball in the house.

12:58 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

It's always the IT guys you have to watch out for.

10:50 AM  
Blogger Anthony S. said...

I bought one of those form Lowe's, except it was labeled "NEGRA". Holla!

12:43 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

We have much bigger negros up here.

2:51 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

I had velcro underwear once; mesh; low-rise. I'll never wear them again, though, because when I took them off to throw them onstage during that Tiffany concert, the "hook" part of the velcro gave me a sudden, unwanted, Brazilian wax.

3:17 PM  

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