Tuesday, August 26, 2008

i eat the f-n pineapple now-n-laters

ryan and i have started netflixing "Lost". during disc 1, i was all what is all the hype about seriously this is kinda dumb and by the 5th dvd, i was all WE HAVE TO GO TO BLOCKBUSTER NOW because i couldn't wait 3 days. ryan noticed that after a month of being on the island, none of the women had hairy armpits. i don't know about you, but if i go for a week without shaving my pits, it looks like i am running a refugee camp for fancy hamsters out of there. HAHAHA.
so now that this is erroneousness has come about, i have had to convince myself that every one of those female characters had electrolysis at some point before they got on that plane. and i think about at what point in their life they decided it would be a good idea to pay someone a lot of money to electrolize that hair. and then i think about one of my friends who got her mustache and armpits done and she said that it felt like a bunch of rubberbands snapping you over and over and how it gets all red and you have to wait a few days. and then i have to rewind it because i just spent 10 minutes thinking about kate's armpits. also, i am becoming strangely attracted to john locke. he looks just like creed from "the office" and sometimes i will commentate, like i will say something like, "oooo creed gettin crayzay" and ryan will be all, "his name is not creed! it's locke! GOD." regardless, i like creed. he is kind of sexy in a weird don't-ever-touch-me kind of way.


best thing i've heard all week:

no, way! i am not letting you guys hang around to clean up my amniotic fluid!

best text i've gotten all week:

tell him to shut his fat old trap before i come over there and shut it for him!

11 Comments:

Blogger Chris said...

Other Lost anomalies I've noticed:

1. Hurley continues to exude a slothful, Nintendo playing, Taco Bell eating persona despite having neither.
2. Jack's head hair seems as active as the girl's pit hair. Maybe the island stops all hair growth? And maybe, just maybe that's the point of the whole show.
3. Jack seems to have left his testicles on the plane.
4. The toughest guy on the show is Ana-Lucia.
5.Sayid's Iraqi accent sounds suspiciously Indian with British undertones.
6. And what the hell happened to the polar bear?

Plotline considered too unbelievable: Jack and Sawyer stumble upon The Skipper and the long lost camp of the survivors of the Minnow. The skipper was the only one left alive after having cannablized Gilligan, the Professor, the Howells, Mary Ann and lastly Ginger. Ginger was difficult considering the Skipper's two competing appetites. Hunger apparently prevailed.

4:38 PM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

Armpit hair?! How about the fact that the heavy guy has been living on coconuts and pineapple for god knows how long and he's still large. Finally someone with a metabolism slower than mine.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

I would think that if a tropical island can have a polar bear that pretty much rules out questions of continuity, etc. Perhaps women's underarm hairs are somehow "migrating" and forming into polar bears.

Also, Chris, in fairness, the majority of the current Iraqi government was educated at Cardiff University (the school I attend), so it wouldn't be odd for an Iraqi to have a British accent.

12:32 AM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

DAMN i totally wanna ruin some plot thingees and answer the polar bear question, etc! uuurrrgh!

either way, at least 2x you see people bartering for supplies from the wrecked plane. sooo things like razors and scissors and such to keep pits and faces and hair reasonable lengths is assumed... if not explained.

creed? ha ha. his character is completely ruined for me now.

thanks.

b

7:59 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

Electrolysis is top on my list of "cosmetic procedures I may someday afford." I appreciate the tip; I'm going to go home tonight and start popping myself in the grundle with a rubber band to prepare for it.

8:59 AM  
Blogger Kimberly said...

i'm super attracted to sayid- so HOT! i love lost as well, and doug and i netflix'd it a few years ago, and now that we're "live" i'm pissed... i hate waiting a week in between episodes.

9:08 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

ya know...I loved LOST when it first came on....but I couldn't tell you a single thing about it now. it got stupid fast. So did Prison Break which was MY SHOW!!! Oh how I loved me some Wentworth Miller....

10:48 AM  
Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I did the same thing when I started watching Lost. That shit is straight up addictive!

As far as the armpit hair goes...I went another direction: I convinced myself they managed to scavenge razors from pieces of luggage.

Creed and Locke are objects of your sexual fantasies?! WHOA! That makes my girl crush on Kate seem incredibly tame.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

Lost is one of the many phenomena that I have totally missed out on by being away from civilization. I'm always worried that I will come back and they'll have changed the fundamental underpinnings of culture as I know it, but really I just missed out on reality TV and Hannah Montana.

1:40 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

My cousin hearts pain, and had me pluck her armpit hair for her. I like inflicting pain (ask Jay, the NADS episode stands as my FAVORITE in our relationship)so this worked out well for both of us. But I tried having her do it to me and I cried for 10 minutes. But I think having it zapped away would be much funner than shaving all the time. If only Jay found body hair appealing......

10:40 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

You don't want to get me started on the weirdness of hair. I hope everything is honky dory for ya, C-Face.

7:43 PM  

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