Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Thank you for being a friend

Thanks, Mom, for telling me about

Back when I got my phace surgery, I stayed with Stephanie. Since I couldn’t see and had to be on my back for three days straight, she looked upon this as an opportunity to brainwash me into becoming a fan of The Golden Girls. Remember that, Stephanie? That 72 hour marathon of Golden Girls DVDs that I convinced your boyfriend to buy you for Christmas because I thought I was being a good friend and then you turned around and used it against me? Remember how I was moaning and begging you to change the channel and you just kept piling the frozen food bags on my face until I was an inaudible pile of vegetable medley? Remember how your room automatically started to smell like mothballs and stale cookies baked with cathairs? And then! In a dramatic turn of events, remember how I developed Stockholm Syndrome and kind of started liking/identifying with that old slutty one? Well, that was 2 years ago next month and I tell you what. I am over it. I refuse to like them, alright? Then I got in a domestic altercation (which basically consisted of me period-ing out on my boyfriend) [Note to boyfriend: Don’t think because I admitted I was on my period means you were right] so I spent the night at your house a couple of weeks ago and, of course, it had to be the day Estelle Getty died and we went to sleep with a Golden Girls DVD looping through the night. By the third episode I wasn’t even begging for you to violently mash several bags of frozen peas on my face and head. Good times, my friend. Good times.


Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Did you end up buying a Golden Girl necklace? I LOVE MINE!

2:54 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

I wept that night. Estelle Getty was a hot piece of ass.

3:26 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

i <3 stephanie!

3:26 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

pants - i bought one for stephanie and she even wears it to work! thank you for the link!

jay - i bet she had sex with more men than all the other ones combined. age = experience

jamie - i do too! but then, all of my friends are pretty freaking rad.

3:32 PM  
Blogger Ryan said...

I too purchased the Golden Girl necklace. Lets keep it quiet. I told my wife it was one of a kind. 25 year anniversaries don't come around too often!

4:17 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

didja ever notice how they were ALL getting a lot of tail on that show?

funnier tho that the tail was drooping down to the ground.

not sure where i was going with this...


7:53 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

...good times.

Speaking of Good Times, now that was a show! Dy-No-Mite!

9:22 AM  
Blogger tinyhands said...

What's with the old bitches? THESE are the Golden Girls.

9:35 AM  
Blogger Crystal said...

tinyhands - hooters called. they want their shimmer tights back.

2:54 PM  

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