Monday, September 29, 2008

1. This is my friend, Gena’s, cat:

Her name is Pauline (like Paw-lean, get it?) because Gena is awesome and clever. Gena likes to chase Pauline around the house because the cat’s gimpy stump hits the wood floor and makes a lovely hollow beat. It’s not mean though. The cat likes it. The next animal I get is going to be special needs; preferably an amputee seeing as how we already own a semi-retarded sock-and-dryer-sheet-eating-underwater-ball-sniffing dog. He is rad. I’m a good mama!

2. I was looking for a restaurant and an ad popped up. It wasn’t one of those ones where it has the girl in the white pants dancing (I will watch that for several minutes nonstop before I feel like I am being inappropriate and click away from it). This one sold clothing. I am assuming they are the outfits in a bag that you can find at the Megaplexxx. Apparently, this is plus size:

I really liked this very tasteful outfit and was considering purchasing it to wear to Ryan’s Granny’s 90th birthday, but there was no section for behemothfattycakes on the website.
3. Last night, I hung out with my ex’s parents. I haven’t seen them in two and a half years. The mom just got finished with chemo in June and her hair is just starting to grow back and she looks beautiful!! I want to shave my head now, but I will probably just look like a Pachycephalosaurus. Anyway, losing them was the hardest part about breaking up with that guy. As soon as I walked in the house I remembered why. The dad had on a shirt with this:


Blogger Ryan said...

I love the girl with the white pants dancing. She has moves that ties my epididymis in knots. Fat ones that only old sailors know.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Neal said...

If you need to, just buy a normal pet then hack off one of it's legs.

1:59 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Wasn't Barbara the one who should have pulled out?

3:19 PM  
Blogger Brandi said...

Seriously, losing the ex's parents IS one of the harder things in a break-up. It's like 2 break-ups in 1. And thank you for educating me on the new "plus size." Wow.

7:23 PM  
Blogger bronxbt said...

i had to look reeeeal close but
wow look! that girl i the skirt has painted nails!


8:32 AM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

The best part of being bald was putting a lollipop in my mouth and going around to women and saying, "Who loves ya, baby?" When my hair just started coming back I put on a dark turtle neck and sang "Nothing Compares 2U" in front of the mirror. I just had to. I don't care how gay that sounds.

9:44 AM  
Blogger Jay said...

You're right, that chick could stand to lose a few pounds.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Christie said...

I don't want to know what size I would be.

Don't you get pissed when you see shit saying Eva Longoria is fat. She things she's fat. Whore.

2:02 PM  
Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

That is possibly the most perfect T-Shirt I have EVER seen.

10:58 AM  

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