Monday, September 08, 2008

I went out to eat with my brother and dad on Saturday at some steakhouse in a small town by the beach that we rode to on their motorcycles. Our waitress was a talker, obviously from East Texas. Amid tragic tales of her losing a fake fingernail in her pocket and chiding us for drinking so much tea, she said this:

One day this young man asked God, "Why did you make girls smell so good?"
And God said, "So you will love them"
And the young man said, "Why did you make 'em so curvy and pretty?"
And God said, "So you will love them"
And the young man said, "Then why did you make them so stupid?"
And God said, "So they will love you."

I think I have heard that before, but I thought it was really funny. Plus, I finally got an answer as to why I such a dumbo!

When we got back home, my brother and I went through some files that our Mom had kept from the time we were little. We found all kinds of awesome and embarrassing things.

This is from when I was on the dance team at school and we had to wear Keds (mine came from Payless) and they made me get ingrown toenails. I cut one out myself and then had to have a doctor do three others. My feet be fugly. Also, notice the red and silver pompoms which contrast nicely with the brown pompom hanging over my left shoulder. We had to wear Hooters tights which made it easier for the girls who stuck to the gym floor when we did splits to get jobs in college. I never stuck to the floor, but that probably had something to do with me always skipping out of practice and smoking cigarettes and drinking Boonesfarm in the parking lot and then when pep rallies came around, I was always the one 2 steps behind everyone else when we danced to exciting numbers like "The Flintstones" (where we wore trashbags and neckties) and "Chatahoochie"....undertones, anyone? Very exciting stuff, people. I bring it.


Blogger Chris said...

Here's hoping that fake fingernail didn't find its way into your pie ala mode.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Jay said...

Is that Anna Paquin?

2:35 PM  
Blogger Jamie said...

i have a picture almost exactly like yours! haha

2:40 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

Only in Texas would that much fringe be allowed. I think Jay's prom tux had fringe on it, too.

5:20 PM  
Blogger The Grunt said...

I know what you did in that uniform.

8:09 PM  
Blogger Chris Cope said...

Please tell me that tiger was frequently stolen. That would have been the whole of my high school career: trying to commandeer the tiger.

"Trying to commandeer the tiger" sounds like a sexual metaphor. In which case, that IS what I spent high school doing.

1:04 AM  
Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

That picture is some concentrated awesome!

I wish I were drinking Boonesfarm right now. MMmmm...

9:03 AM  
Blogger Brandi said...

You just said Boonesfarm.
I love you even more now.:)

10:47 PM  
Blogger Crystal said...

chris - i was kind of worried about that. it wouldn't have been hard to miss, though, considering it was 5 inches long and had flames painted on it.

jay - no, that is a plastic tiger.

jamie - you should post it. we should make a photography book with old school dance team pics.

christie - i never even noticed that as being texas, but now that i think about it, fringe was a major part of my childhood. so was ric rac. sometimes it surprises me at how backwoods i really am.

grunt - shhhhhhhhhhhhh

chris - the tiger was attached to this huge platform. a lot of people voilated it by simulating sex acts with it, but nobody stole it. it's name was Victor E. Tiger. HAHAHA. clever.

pants and brandi - boonesfarm was my drink of choice back then. in fact, i liked it so much that i usually tasted it twice. now, it just tastes like throw up to me. pass the mad dog.

7:55 AM  
Blogger Effortlessly Average said...

mmmmm... you still have that outfit? wink wink nudge nudge

1:18 PM  
Blogger AmyO said...

Strawberry Hill was my favorite. When I was in high school we drank Sun Country Orange (from the 2 liter). Yeh.

3:09 PM  

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